Meankitty “Bad Libs” Review: Wakeworld

Wakeworldfinal-186x300Recently I had the cold sensation of reading WAKEWORLD by Kerry Schafer. It’s quite the wintery book. For example, in the winter, I spend most of my time blocking the air vents, because the human is, you know, “at that age”, and I’m doing her this huge favor by staving off her hot flashes. I am THAT awesome of a cat! So this book is akin to when I sit on the air vents to help the human out. The printed version of this book, in fact, fits quite well over an air vent, should you lack a cat companion to assist you in this matter.

I read a lot of literary writing so this contemporary fantasy was an action-packed change of pace. Normally we cats only like action when it’s inconvenient for the humans for us to be active. Say, at one a.m. when they have to get up early the next day. Or when they accidentally leave the door open just a teeny bit, and we’re indoor cats, but HEY THE DOOR IS OPEN LET’S GO! A real burst of literary TNT, this book. In some ways it reminded me of Through the Looking Glass except with adult characters faced with tragically terrifying situations.

I will not comment on whether it’s tragic or terrifying when Big D and I do manage to escape through the front door or into the Forbidden Zone that the humans call the attic, but I will say this. The one time Big D got out for a couple hours, when he returned, he’d been snatched by aliens. That wasn’t him, you know? I had to hiss, yowl, and beat his ass whenever he came near me for a week or two until things went back to normal and the aliens let the real Big D go. It annoyed the humans to no end, but a cat’s gotta do what a cat’s gotta do.

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The book starts off with two characters named Vivian and Zee faced with an admirable challenge. What’s an admirable challenge? Well, I am happy to elaborate. It’s one that involves me getting tuna and scritches at the end of it but isn’t terribly hard. So Vivian and Zee don’t have a terribly hard challenge and they’re eager to get food and scritches. They behave slowly about this, because they’re both very catlike, and you have to pretend like you don’t CARE at first, you know? Then, when that door gets left open a crack, you explode.

When Poe the Penguin is introduced, in a scene involving climbing, the plot really starts to get steamy. Penguins. Climbing. Let that sink in. I think it was inconsiderate of Vivian and Zee to expect Poe to develop climbing abilities, but actually what the hell do I care? I’m great at climbing, and Poe’s a stupid bird. Not even the kind I can eat! Jeez. Poe is alarmingly no Jennifer Lawrence. I have it on good authority Jennifer Lawrence totally likes cats and knows the right spot between the shoulder blades that needs scratching. If Poe knew the right spot to scratch a kitty, maybe Poe would get a break, but he’s too busy trying to climb.

Don’t even get me started about Weston. The involvement of Weston in the narrative will leave readers weary. Weary, weary of Weston. I’d rather laugh at some penguin trying to climb than read about Weston. Once Weston is gone, the story marvelously continues until it seems all dragons are lost, and the ending will fight you. It will fight you like a cat hiding in the attic who doesn’t want to come out! The ending will let you get really close and then take off like a cat out of hell, only to tumble around in the insulation while you freak out because you think the insulation might harm the cat.

Yep, I’d say it’s definitely a great ending. And the pace was like riding in a muscle car with a driver who is indomitable on a road that winds through a mountain top. One presumes this involves a tunnel, unless the indomitable driver = The Hulk.

If you are looking for a way to spend one day, no more and no less, this book is definitely an option. The characters and plot are so tense compared to other books on the market today. You humans love being tense. That’s why it’s so kind of us to get into the attic or run out the door. Oh, or block the air vents so you get all worried that the HVAC system is screwed up. Granted, the feline content in the book was one tiny pound, which could have been better, but no (human) author is completely mysterious. Not like cats. All in all, a humorous tale about guilt, flying and despairing. You will not be fearful if you pick this one up, unless you happen to be afraid of tunnels.

bootsie2

Rating: 205 rubber balls and an inspirational steak

 

Sincerely,

Meankitty

www.meankitty.com

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Meankitty “Bad Libs” Review: Toying with His Affections

Cover-Toying-With-His-AffectionsRecently I had the prickling sensation of reading TOYING WITH HIS AFFECTIONS by Laura K. Curtis. It was almost like having fleas…wee shivers along my spine, sides and tail. Half the time I was reading the damn thing, I kept having to stop so I could bite my own ass! Seriously. Cats can do that. I know you’re jealous. I’m not sure how the almost-flea thing was connected to TOYING WITH HIS AFFECTIONS, but I do feel like I needed to warn you. Maybe they’re not related at all.

Normally I read a lot of scholarly texts about the quite factual and easily proven superiority of cats as companions over dogs or other animals, so this contemporary romance was a nasty change of pace. By nasty, I mean that’s the adjective the author gave me to put in that space. I think she meant NASTEEE, in the Janet Jackson way. Nasty! Nasty books. Oh you nasty books! Though if nasty books don’t mean a thing, why would you bother reading them? I’d have to argue with the author about her assessment of her own book as a nasty change of pace. Not that she knew WHERE I was going to put that adjective, but still. I just play the words I’m dealt. Sort of.

In some ways TOYING WITH HIS AFFECTIONS reminded me of The Three Little Pigs – and please note that pigs are inferior animal companions compared to cats, and three pigs is about three pigs too many. However, instead of pigs and some idiot door-to-door salesman wolf, too stupid to read the “NO SOLICITING” sign, this book had adult human characters faced with perfectly mammoth situations.

Emphasis on perfectly. Imperfectly mammoth is unacceptable, but perfectly mammoth is like when you decide, yeah, today’s the day I’m going to lay one out on the carpet right before the humans get out of bed, and it’s a really, really big one. Then they wander around the house, half asleep, sniffing and staring at stuff until they step in it. blackcatbuttWhite The book starts off with Griffin Barstow and Evie Bell faced with a tiny challenge. The mammoth begins later, and the initial tiny challenge is probably in there to lull you into a false sense of security. Both characters behave angrily about this. They were really looking forward to mammoth, you know? Different kind of mammoth though, since English is tricky. Mammoth steaks in particular. If mammoths weren’t extinct, humans would eat them.

When Candace is introduced, in a scene involving playing catch, the plot really starts to get lovely. And mammoth. Not that Candace is up to the challenge of a mammoth. The sad thing is, Candace is brutally no Bruce Willis.

Don’t even get me started about Patricia. PUH. TRISH. UH. The involvement of Patricia in the narrative will leave readers sleeping. I’m not talking about a cat nap. I’m talking eight hours, huddled between the covers, getting stiffer and stiffer because maybe there’s a cat laying right in the spot where you wish you could stretch out, but you can’t, so you — the human — wake up all crooked. Actually that’s pretty funny, so I guess I don’t hate Patricia that much.

In fact, the story fancifully continues until it seems all dog is lost. I’m all about some lost dog! Get out of here, dog! We’re having mammoth tonight, and there’s none for you. The ending will prod you…to cook steaks for your cat. The pace was like riding in an SUV with a driver who is generous, because we just stopped and bought steaks, on a road that winds through mountains.

If you are looking for a soft and cuddly way to spend four days, this book is definitely an option. The characters and plot are so delicate compared to other books on the market today. You’d think a book with such mammothness could never aspire to delicacy, but it’s a very gentle mammothness. Granted, the feline content in the book was barely eight ounces, which could have been better, but no author is completely wolfish. I should hope, since wolves are canines.

All in all, a fitting tale about joy, when you smell meat, jumping and then despairing, since you jumped up all that way to get yourself some steak and the humans just took it away! Dude. You will or will not feel love if you pick this one up, depending on how hungry you are. alfie Rating: Eight teaser wands with feathers and a fitting green bean. Fitting down the floor vent, when I knock it there, that is.

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Meankitty Review: Rebellion by Eleri Stone

Author Eleri Stone, who did the interview for us yesterday, writes a number of books, but most notably, as far as I’m concerned, some books about cat shifters – the Yaguara. These cats live deep in the Amazon jungle, so you start out feeling pretty sorry for them.

I mean, there may be some nice butterflies and rodents to chase, but it sounds pretty uncivilized. I doubt the cats can just jog down to the store in their human forms and grab a case of delicious tuna. Noooo, they have to get out there and stalk their own prey, no doubt. Which is fun if it’s 3 am and loud and there’s humans trying to sleep, but I wouldn’t want to be a hunter on a regular basis. It would cut too much into napping time, staring time, meowing time, litterbox destroying time, furniture scratching time and birdwatching time. Yes, birdwatching time is very different from staring time, as one involves birds and the other involves freaking the humans out.

So, the story is that some wolf dog person from the US is being flown down to the Yaguara to talk about forming a treaty. The company he works for wants access to the plants in the Yaguara’s territory for research purposes. Maybe it’s full of special catnip. His name’s Cole, and he thinks cats are sneaky and mean. Well, yeah, but at least we don’t sniff butts and roll in carrion, AMIRITE? And he’s dorky – scared of heights and other dumb things.

Cole doesn’t realize the Yaguara are engaged in a cat-on-cat civil war. The airplane gets shot down by the “bad guy” Yaguara, and Cole can’t get away from them since he’s a dog and all. The “good guy” Yaguara have to send this ass kicking kitty warrior named Taya to steal him from the baddies.

(Cosmo from Meankitty.com knows how to treat a dog…)

I got a really good laugh when Taya rescues Cole (pretty easily, because cats rule) and he’s all worn out and lost but he follows her “doggedly”. Heh.

After that the story goes downhill. Taya, who seemed so sensible and strong, decides… I can’t hardly even say it… Decides she likes DOGS. Or this particular dog. Cole wants to honch Taya, naturally, since cats are so beauteous and sleek, but I expected Taya to have better taste. When they aren’t dealing with the fact they both seem to be in heat, they are dealing with the fact that strange things are afoot in the Yaguara stronghold, and the bad guys might be closer to creating havoc than everyone thinks.

I have to say, this one’s better than most of the books the human foists off on me. I can’t even do a cat count, because cats were all the way through the book. Unfortunately, so were dogs. AKA wolves. I wonder—why is it always “wolf” shifters, not dog shifters, anyway? And why are feline shifters always jaguars and lions and such instead of the more intelligent domestic house cat? I guess the writers of these stories don’t want them to end so soon, with a protagonist clever enough to figure out the plot by page 6. If the cat wanted to, that is.

This one rates a luxurious licking session and a stretch, with an accidental tumble off the couch for the dumb parts. Buy links at the author’s site: http://eleristone.com/?page_id=9

–MK and the Typing Human
www.meankitty.com + www.jodywallace.com

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Meankitty Review: Soul of Kandrith

Soul of Kandrith by Nicole Luiken (http://nicoleluiken.com/)

One of Typing Slave’s writer friends seemed to think I’d purr over her fantasy romance Soul of Kandrith since it had more feline action than other stories I’ve reviewed. The author, Nicole Luiken Humphrey, kindly warned me the primary plot revolves around humans, Lance and Sara, but a secondary plot involves an oversized human-turned-cat (aka cat shandy) critter named Rhiain.

SoK is the second book about these characters. Typing Slave had no trouble picking this one up without having read the first (Gate to Kandrith), for those of you who worry about that sort of thing. The human Sara gave up her brain or something in order to do a spoilery thing in the first book. Lance feels responsible, like humans do. I mean, Sara seems like the kind of two-legger who wouldn’t even remember to feed the cat! She’s baggage, right? Apparently she wasn’t like that in the first book, when she and Lance got romancey, so I guess Lance isn’t a total sucker. Now Lance has to take her to the Wizard in Oz to get her brain back while defeating not just a witch and her flying monkeys but a land of militant and ass-backward two-leggers bent on destroying the country Lance comes from (Kandrith—which I didn’t know was close to Oz, but hey, I can’t read maps).

With me so far? We got Lance and braindead Sara, stumbling around in a forest in a daze after the events of the first book. This story picks up when Lance hears a “mew” of a four-legger in pain. Literally picks up — the first line.

Right off, you’ve either hooked me as a reader or pissed me off, depending on what you mean by a “mew”. Because there are meows, mews, rowrs, mewwww, miaows, grrrrs, snarls, miaws, mows, mirrrs, mrups, mahs, and all sorts of other clever feline utterances humans are generally too dense to understand. Each means a different thing, although we cats use them flexibly to ensure the humans remain too dense to understand. Otherwise they might figure out our plot to mrrrow mirr pirr purr rrr miawrow. See? You totally don’t know what I said there, do you? And our plot will continue undisturbed.

Anyway, Lance is ill and wants to lay in the bathroom floor like a rug whereupon a cat will promptly climb onto his ailing stomach or hack a hairball outside the bathroom door, forcing him to clean it or step in it, one. Either is hilarious to do to a sick human. Anyway, he’s sick due to the downside to his healing ability–he can heal with magic, but he’s always unhealthy because of it. He keeps hearing this animal cry for help and decides he can’t do squat about it because he’s so pitiful. Boo hoo. He thinks “it sounds like a cat being strangled.”

We’re only on the second screen of Typing Slave’s reading app, and I’m thinking, “How does this dude KNOW what a cat being strangled sounds like? Does he go around strangling a lot of cats?” I’m starting to be suspicious of the main character though he claims he’d prefer to help this so-called animal in pain. Is that really how you want readers to react? It’s not like it would amuse a CANINE audience because dogs can’t read. So you don’t have to cater to the mutts. CATER has CAT in it for a reason. Get with the program.

As if the author heard my directive, Lance does indeed haul his whiny ass to track the injured animal when he realizes the yowling is the shandy I mentioned, Rhiain. Lance and Sara end up healing Rhiain, getting into some adventures with a bad human, and returning with the baddie in tow to Lance’s home in Kandrith, which is a secret walled off country a bit like the Forbidden Zone at my house, aka the attic. I’m not allowed to go there. I’m pretty convinced there’s magical deliciousness inside, else why would the humans be so dead set on keeping me out? Kandrith is clearly awesome, and I hate that Lance gets to go there and I don’t. Jerk.

In Kandrith, decisions are made (nice in passive tense!) that result in Lance, Sara and others undertaking a mission to protect the country. While the humans are mucking around in a style my human says is reminiscent of Terry Goodkind’s Sword of Truth series, in particular books 1 and 2, Rhiain is having adventures of her own.

Adventures in stupid.

See, she turned shandy when she was a young and dumb two-legger, and apparently the transformation INTO a giant cat doesn’t magically give shandies the high IQ of a cat. Rhiain is rightfully upset most shandies are wolves—the author does imbue R’s disdain and disappointment with very believable outrage—but she pulls a couple dog-brained stunts that often wind up with her being in trouble or making trouble. Might as WELL have been a wolf shandy, eh, you giant hairball? She gets obsessed with a two-legger readers will see from a mile off is… Well, I don’t want to spoil anything because my human liked this book and I’m trying to humor her, but I’ll remind you Rhiain doesn’t have a real cat’s IQ and leave it at that.

If you’re obsessed with…certain things, my cat friends, find yourself a brown, fuzzy blanket. Like Big D does at my house. That fatty is what humans call “neutered” and still they have to watch out for him and that damn blanket.

Now for a grade. I didn’t need to do a word frequency count on this book since it did have a feline secondary character and cat shandies were represented as superior to wolf shandies. It was nice that I didn’t have to resort to such contortions to explain what a horrific insult to catkind the story was. (Though it is a bonus that the word “dog” only appears 7 times!) This earns the author some points. But making the cat shandy have a dog-brain and giving me such doubts about the two-legger in the beginning? Weak. Very weak.

I give this book a 2 am yowling session for the positive and a trip to the vet that doesn’t result in an overnight visit for the negative.

Sincerely,
Meankitty and Jody W.
http://www.meankitty.com  * http://www.jodywallace.com

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Meankitty Review: Iron Guns Blazing Hearts by Heather Massey

Got another sucker who sent me a book to review, even after what happened to my previous victims. Do you think third time will be the charm? Well, read on and find out!

Miss Violet Whitcomb (I prefer brushes to combs) is a human female who helps her male parent with his scientific inventions in the year 1875. When her dad is captured from the train they’re taking across Wyoming Territory by another inventor calling himself the Iron Scorpion (good villain name–I hate scorpions and most bugs), Violet (are violets good eating? Typing Slave won’t let me have plants in the house) turns to a human male named Logan (sometimes the humans give me steak tips from Logan’s, so he can’t be all bad). Logan doesn’t want to get involved with anything Iron Scorpion-related, but the female seems to be the naggy sort, like Typing Slave, and talks him into it.

The two of them plus her father’s greatest invention, an automaton aka humanlike robot, take off after the Iron Scorpion through rough terrain, tracking the mechanical contraptions that attacked the locomotive. If the Iron Scorpion forces the old human codger to spill his guts about his amazing inventions, presumably that will allow Scorpy to take over the world and stuff. Typing Slave nattered about how “cleverly” this story utilized and expanded the “pulp Western” style, but Typing Slave says a lot of shit that’s senseless, like, “Get off the counter” and “I’m serious, Meankitty, get off the counter.”

As for me, the cat whose opinion you came here to see, I found the story to be devoid of interesting description and characterization. There are exactly zero cats in this book except for one reference to a game of cat and mouse. Unfortunately, in that lone, lame instance, the “cat” was the bad guy chasing the poor mousie good guys, and bad guys NEVER win in books like this. In real games of cat and mouse, the mouse doesn’t exactly pull out a whacked out steam machine gun and blow the kitty away, so this was just a terrible reference. Terrible. I mean, if a robot CAT is not going to be the humans’ most illustrious invention — no, it’s some robot PERSON, like that’s anywhere near as cool as a cat — what is the point?

But I guess if the automaton had been a cat, the cat would have saved the day by page 10, and all the readers would have complained it was too short. Eh.

If you like that pulp Western goofy steampunky adventure with some kissy kissy stuff (though not TONS, I’m happy to say, because that crap gets you locked out of bedrooms), you may like this book. If you have the sophisticated good taste to prefer stories with plenty of obeisance to felines, you will not like this book. I didn’t. Except for when a robot wolf got what it deserved.

Here is a link to the author’s site: http://www.heathermassey.com/project/iron-guns-blazing-hearts/ with buy links and excerpts.

CAT COUNT, and I’m trying REALLY hard here to give Massey a lot of chances to impress me:

Feline: 0
Cat: 0
Cat and Mouse, game of: 1
Caterwaul: 1 (but it wasn’t at 2 am, the best time for caterwauls)
Kitty: 0
Puss (feline only): 0
Panther: 1
Lion: 2
Tiger: 0
Leopard: 0
Dog: 1
Canine: 1 (in the form of a mechanical monster, a major opponent)
Wolf: OUCH 18 (THAT is gonna hurt the score)
Colt: 29 (the hell!)
Horse: 49 (I guess I’ll give the Colts and horses a pass, since Colts are a weapon for soft humans without claws and the horses were enslaved to do the humans’ bidding, kind of like dogs)
Fish: 0
Tuna: 0
Bird: 5
Crows: 1
Fowl: 1
Butterflies: 1
Snack: 0 (Yah, because the humans didn’t try to eat the heads off the delicious butterflies)
Hairball: 0
Weasel: 1
Bull: 1
Ox: 1
Beast: 12 (usually in reference to mechanical monsters)

RATING:

A dog eating horse poop, because there are 49 references to horses in here and that’s a lot of poop. I mean, a pile of horse poop is frequently as big as a cat! If the author wants to put a dog eating horse poop picture on her site to denote her rating, here are some options that I had the small humans create:

Sincerely,
Meankitty & Typing Slave
www.meankitty.com * www.jodywallace.com

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Meankitty Review: Just Breathe by Kendall Grey

Just Breathe by Kendall Grey: A Watery Nightmare Tale

The first thing you have to understand about this book is that a lot of it takes place in the water or when it’s raining. The book is about a musician magic something or other human named Gavin with tattoos made by ink instead of cat claws who wants to get busy with this weird female human named Zoe who likes to immerse herself constantly in water. I know, right?

Zoe swims around talking to whales all the time and is depressed because Gavin offed her in the previous book. Granted, a villainess tricked him into it, but it takes me personally a while to forgive when the humans boot me off the counter, so I can understand it might be taking Zoe a while to come to terms with Gavin booting her from the land of the living.

Yeah, yeah, she got BETTER, but still.

Mixing it up with the Gavin/Zoe romance of watery sadness is a war between magical characters called Elementals (Waeter, Fyre, Aer, Erthe), who are monitored by magical human Sentinels. All of these two-leggers can use Elemental Powers (which the author kindly spells differently than the people Elementals, so we don’t get confused).

The Sentinels can visit a dreamland place, where one presumes there are some damn CATS although none are mentioned, but the Elementals aren’t supposed to. When Fyre Elementals hijack the Dreaming, they start killing off humans and causing general havoc, so the characters in Just Breathe (the 3rd in the trilogy) have to beat some Fyre ass and get a new boss type to helm the Waeter Elemental Grody Wet Fishy Smelling Brigade so the Fyres can’t torch the entire world.

(Side note: I never understand in books with human eaters like demons, vampires, so on and so forth–why the predator types seem perfectly happy to devour ALL the prey types? What will they eat when the prey are gone? Grass? Their poop? I don’t think so! Cats know that some of the mice you only PLAY WITH but leave relatively intact so they will make babies. But I don’t get the impression most of the Fyres besides the one called Sinnder are supposed to be very smart–they have personalities of weasels, really–so I think that explains why they think it’s a good plan to take over the world, burn it up, and snack on all the people’s souls, or whatever it is they like to do…)

Back to the actual plot summary. Since the Elementals and Sentinels have to fight the Fyres, they can’t really fight Fyre with Fire, so this means using a lot of WATER. This book is soggy. Seriously. If it were paper instead of electronic, it would dribble when you picked it up. With tears and water and rain. On the first page, the heroine is swimming. SWIMMING. She literally jumps off a boat and into the ocean, where there’s no bottom, because the ocean, my friends, leads all the way to salty ass HELL. Why do people keep getting me to review books with all this blasted water and no cats? I have no idea.

Here’s a handy tally:

Cat Count: 0
Kitty Count: 0
Feline Count: 0
Tiger Count: 0
Whisker Count: 0

This is pitiful, people. PIT. I. FUL.

Lion/ess Count: 1 (not counting one stupid SEA LION, because SEA)
Dog Count: 5, with one character actually having a dingo named Harriet as a pet. We agree when the character says, “Stupid dingo.”
Fish Count: 1-3, with “edible by the cat” types of fish being 0, because cats do NOT eat chocolate body paint. That is not healthy.
Bird Count: several, but none, again, being the edible type.
Tuna Count: 0
Milk Count: 6, though some of the milk mentioned comes out of whales. Weird! Who knew if you smashed up fish enough, they made milk? Sounds tasty. Like whale smoothie? Somebody needs to send me some of that whale milk. It would beat the dregs from the cereal bowl handily.

In summary, this story has a lot of cussing, which I like, though I prefer to cause it. This story has a lot of action and fighting, which I like, though I’d rather be beating up the neighbor’s cat. This story has a lot of water, which I detest. Utterly. And this story has some human romance stuff, which I tolerate, because I gather if there’s enough romance between some types of humans, you eventually get Pink Things and the Pink Things eventually master their opposable thumbs and learn to feed you under the table.

But…water.

I’ll rate this one two hairballs, a terd and a half-decent nap on the back of the couch. Typing Slave said it was good, but she’s an idiot who voluntarily takes showers, like, once or twice a WEEK.

Sincerely,
Meankitty (aided by Typing Slave, for the typing)
www.meankitty.com * www.jodywallace.com

PS: You can see where I felt sorry for the poor human author who forgot to put cats in her book and cattified it here: http://blog.jodywallace.com/2013/01/cattification-just-bathe-cat.html

Check out the author’s site for links to giveaways and the book and stuff here: http://www.kendallgrey.com/?page_id=4303

If you’re boring and want to see some HUMAN-authored review of the book, there are some on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Just-Breathe-ebook/dp/B00AY0K0TC/

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Meankitty Review: Stellarnet Prince by JL Hilton

Stellernet Prince by JL Hiltion (www.jlhilton.com)

J’ni, a universe-famous blogger human in a futuristic society, involved herself with two alien two-legger males and their battle to save their planet from giant crickets in Stellarnet Rebel. This battle (SPOILER!) succeeds after a fashion, paving the way for Stellarnet Prince, in which the trio’s continuing adventures are depicted. The tale involves political conspiracies, violence, good, evil, interstellar travel, the price of fame, and other stuff human-types worry about.

First, let me make one thing clear. The alien planet in this book is Hell. HELL. It’s some perverse water world (no relation to Kevin Costner) where it rains all the time and the two-leggers who evolved there have webbed hands and splash around like overgrown amphibians in the millions of squishy swamps, rivers and puddles. There were so many water references in the first couple chapters, I almost couldn’t keep reading! It was giving me kitty-hives. It was worked into the worldbuilding, the dialogue, the culture…everything.

These two-leggers actually WORSHIP the “Great Ocean” and the “Great Rain” and other horrifyingly aqueous deities, when clearly all should worship cats. Water is for staring at. Drinking sometimes. Keeping catnip, grass and trees alive and housing tasty fish. Putting in glasses so the glasses can be knocked off countertops. Not for worship. It’s almost like this author was trying to say water is a vital substance or something. Haha–she probably thinks we’re MADE of water.

Hm. Dogs and humans, maybe. Cats are made of awesome.

Once I got past the obvious blasphemy, I confess I still didn’t find a whole lot to like about this story. First off, there were no cats. Not even one. I don’t even think anyone’s beauty and grace was described as “catlike” in an ode to our perfection. Though I enjoyed seeing the only DOG mentioned in the story almost get zapped by accident, the zapping didn’t happen. It was like a cruel tease of a great scene.

I don’t think this author has great hope for humanity, when her vision of the future contains only one crappy little dog, restricted food sources, and a HELL planet of water and rain. Readers who enjoy human stuff like political intrigue, aliens, visions of an internet-induced society, culture wars and bad guys who get eaten by alien piranhas might want to read this book. The rest of us will be over here where it’s dry, warm and sunny.

Rating: 0 Cats + 1 Dog + many frog mentions + way too much water = -1

***

For an explanation of our rating scale and how you too can be eviserated by the cat, visit the Meankitty Reviews page.

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