Hobbies for Writers

Writing and editing, although I love them, are jobs. A writer can’t write all the time, so she needs hobbies. Mine are crocheting and cats! In fact, before I was a published author, I was a world famous website person with the Meankitty Gallery. This was long before social media, back when cats and the internet first started combining forces to take over the world. 1999 or thereabouts.

Since then my Meankitty website–a treasure trove of pictures and stories from real people about their real and often horrible cats–has fallen by the wayside. Nobody visits anymore, nobody sends submissions anymore, and my energy gets directed to other things.

That being said, I STILL love Meankitty and think you will, too! I have worked with my web guru to set up a new design for it and I’m testing it at www.meankitty.net. Would love to hear your thoughts!

Jody W & Meankitty

Meankitty Wants to Know: Kelly Jensen Kitties

1) Jensen kitties (of author Kelly Jensen fame), tell us about yourselves. That’s the most important thing. And include glamour shots!

Jack the cat
Jack is handsome and charming.

I’m Jack and I’m going to appoint myself spokeskitty for the group. Shadow only knows how to produce a pathetic squeak that is completely unbecoming of her size, and someone dropped Sisi on her head when she was a kitten. She makes no sense. Ever. I, of course, am the perfect cat. If my fur were black, I’d have what you call a tuxedo pattern. I think my grey tabby coat is much more attractive than boring old black, however. I’m handsome and charming and my whites are always extremely white. I groom for hours to achieve this effect. Shadow and Sisi are both all black. Boring black. Well, Shadow has three white hairs on her chest. They’re weird. She should pluck them out.

2) I gather your human writes books. Does this mean she is home all day and easy to access? Elaborate if necessary. How does this benefit you?

Kelly is home all day and easy to access. The stalking begins early, usually before the sun has risen, when we hustle her downstairs to the treat container. Treats must be spread in a single arc across the floor so all three of us can get our faces down there at the same time. Kelly is then allowed to amuse herself until the child goes to school, which is when she heads back upstairs to begin what she calls work. I help by sitting on the corner of her desk. Sometimes I put my paw on her keyboard. Or I touch her face. Or I stand in front of the monitor so she can admire the grey stripes along my side. Ideally, Kelly will praise and kiss me while I do this. She doesn’t seem to understand that I do not want to be picked up at this point, however.

Around the time we’re finishing our first nap, Kelly runs up the driveway. I followed her once. She continued running up the street. There was no mouse, no vole, not even a chipmunk. Nothing. She just ran… and came back in an hour. She does this every morning. It’s very confusing.

Sisi the cat
Sisi was dropped on her head as a kitten.

Then she goes back to the computer. At lunch time she sits on the couch for half an hour to an hour. I lick her sandwich when she’s not looking, which is often as she watches the TV while eating. Then it’s back to her computer. Shadow’s on shift in the afternoon. She doesn’t get on the desk, though. She’s too lazy, or just plain uncoordinated. Sisi gets the evening shift, which is the easiest, really. That’s when Kelly returns to the couch for extended periods.

black cat in a flower pot
Shadow also likes to sit in planters.

3) What are your techniques for distracting your human during crucial writing moments, just because it’s fun?

Well, there’s the aforementioned screen blocking. I enjoy that very much. Shadow likes to sit in her chair. Kelly will often kneel at the computer rather than disturb her. Sisi is very bad at interference. She never bothers Kelly while she’s working. Our dear departed sister Java was an excellent distraction. She liked to bring small mammals inside and crunch on them right beside Kelly’s desk. I dropped a snake on her foot once. It was very effective. I should try it again.

4) What indignities and neglect have you suffered because of your human’s writing career?

She doesn’t cook very interesting food when she’s writing. It’s sandwiches, sandwiches and more sandwiches. I prefer salmon, tuna—particularly the casserole she makes with corn—lasagna, shrimp and pizza. Kelly makes very good pizza. Good sauce.

5) Tell me about the felines in your human’s fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play? I hear there’s a new book about cat shifters.

Many of her characters keep company with cats. My favourite would be Socks, who traveled with Iain. Don’t ask me about Iain, I don’t care about Iain. Socks, however, was a great cat. He had Iain trained to carry him across his shoulders. He got to go everywhere with Iain. I’d like to go everywhere with Kelly. Except when she runs up the driveway. That just seems rather pointless.

best in showThis new book with the cat that changes into a human is very confusing. Why would a cat willingly change into a human? It makes no sense, particularly when, as I understand it, the cat in this book had the human wrapped around his forepaw. Nova lox for breakfast? Kelly could take a lesson from this.

6) What books in the future will feature cats? Oh, and a new fad soon to hit the shifter world — shifter pigs. Better get in while the getting is good.

She’s planning a sequel to Best in Show (the confusing book with the cat that can change into a human). It will feature an entire family of cats who can do the same thing. I honestly don’t think she understands her audience. Who wants to read about a lot of cats switching between human and cat form? They’re obviously very confused people. Kelly should write about cats that change into nothing.

The book she’s writing right now has four cats in it. I approve. Charlie, her main character, is a very good cat person. Well, except for the fact he also owns a dog. I’m very glad Kelly doesn’t own a dog.

Bacon comes from pigs, doesn’t it? I like bacon.

7) What works of fiction or cinema involving cats does your human enjoy sharing with you?

Kelly watches a lot of anime and cats seem to be, in general, highly regarded in these shows. In particular, I like The Cat Returns. She once read a book called I am a Cat. It wasn’t about a cat.sun-spot

8) If you could make one change to your human, what would it be?

For her to understand that after I have spent half an hour grooming my fur, I do not want to be stroked. Every time she touches my fur, I have to lick it again. It’s very frustrating. The worst part is that I think she does it sometimes to tease me.

Sincerely,

Meankitty

25 Shades of Grey…and Mean

I won’t be seeing the 50 Shades of Grey movie tonight, because I have familial obligations and I hardly ever see movies in theaters. Also, one presumes the movie doesn’t have any cats in it, so yeah. Rental. Late at night. After the kids are asleep.

Ahem.

Meankitty doesn’t know what the big deal is about this movie, and I couldn’t explain it to her. Human mating rituals aren’t something that intrigues her. It sounds like the humans involved are DOG people, after all, making people fetch and sit and roll over and wear collars and spanking them when they are bad.

The franchise boasts that it contains 50 grey shades. Does it, like, number them when they pass by on screen? Are some of them striped? TABBY? That got Meankitty thinking about grey cats, naturally, and how the movie and book would have been a lot better if it had been “50 Shades of Grey Cats.”

So now we present to you “25 Shades of Grey & Mean” because 50 was too much work.

 Queen Sheba is a medium dark grey tabby. She is not amused by you.

jake

Jake is a pale grey tabby with blue eyes. Piercing blue eyes that will haunt you.

edith

Edith is dark grey and white and very nasty. Clearly she has issues. Whatever should she do for therapy?

evilkitties

Surely at least one of the Evil Kitties is grey. Morally grey too. In many ways.

minifluff

Mini Fluff is grey and white and does not like black and white movies. Or fanfiction. But she’s really out of touch with the times.

wallymotopounce

Wally Moto is about to liven up a grey day by pouncing someone. Also, he is grey with grey eyes.

MystickMystick the mean grey tabby is in a grey cage. But she’s topping you from the bottom with her stare.

Maggiebeast

Maggie the Beast is long haired grey colour-pointy and she’s going to beat up a grey tabby. So that’s really 2 shades of grey for the price of one. Except when a publisher buys it, we’ll double the price.

maggiesuz

Maggie is a medium haired grey tabby who is practicing for her paparazzi debut now that grey is so popular. Hasn’t *quite* got the finger/claw down yet.

charleschicken

Gorgeous, smoky Charles Chicken chose this grey striped couch to match his fur. He only sheds on the white, though. And it shows red blood so well…

chucks

A grey and white tabby, Chucky Strauss’s “mercy mew” is possibly a safe word. So we hear. IF we choose to listen to it…

Fluff

Fluff has many shades to her but the grey is the one that, possibly, turns her so sadistic. That’s what we *hear* grey does anyway. Or maybe color coordinated ties? Not clear on that.

zeus2

Grey, silky Zeus is accepting a tribute from his human in this photo, who trembles in fear of the lash. Zeus does not allow safewords.

fleur

Flirty, fluffy Fleur is forced to wear “Softpaws” because she flailed people with her cat o one tail so much.

waldo

A smoke colored shorthair with hauntingly blue eyes like Wally Moto, Waldo knows exactly where he is. In Yo Face.

bellatrix

Bellatrix is another long haired grey and white beauty, who is quite the bossy dominatrix. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

abbeloaf

Don’t let her quiescent state fool you. Dark grey Abbe was in and out of foster care all her kittenhood due to being so vicious and tormented, clearly having come from a dark past.

davidbowie2

David Bowie, a grey and brown tabby, is about to shred his human slave for making him dance. Can you tell?

belle christmas

Grey Belle (no relation to Blue Belle) likes to whup bottoms. We can’t make this stuff up.

kinghenry1

King Henry, a grey and white royal, believes that you should worship him and be submissive to him. It’s called W/s in the scene for you newbies.

cozmo2

I think brown tabby Cozmo is pissed because he’s not as grey as the rest of the kitties on this page. He just has shadings of grey around his face. And if you visit his page, you’ll see what he thinks of this glorification of grey cats and this misrepresentation of the W/s lifestyle that is getting so much media attention!

Ferdinand

Ferdinand, a grey and white tabby with brilliant amber yellow eyes, sparkles in the sun. Okay, not really, there’s NO sparkling on this page because that would not be original. But Ferdinand is another kitty with a tortured and tragic past that has turned him mean. And given him a love for boxes.

smackey

Wee grey tabby Smackey can hold her own with dogs. And with rich CEOs who want to own her, for she will trip them all on the stairs.

gilbert

White and grey Gilbert is really bored by this post and thinks it’s poorly written. Nothing to see here, move along.

eugene

Last for today is our darkest shade of grey, Eugene, who is staring at you through the bars of the cage he keeps you in when he doesn’t need you for anything else.

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day!

Love,

Meankitty & Jody W.

http://www.jodywallace.com * http://www.meankitty.com

Mankitty Monday: Pungo

Helllllloooooooo, Ladies! A funky kitty rap.
To get you out yo seat, even if you’re takin a nap.
If you won’t get up, I will claw your leg,
Chase you round the couch. Make you beg.

How you like me, ladies? I’m a color coded hunk.
I got hair out to there, and I ain’t no punk.
Does the fur match the…hey! Yeah, it matches the eyes.
The look of love. The eyes that mesmerize.

Yeah I’m a mamma jamma kitty, and I like my nip.
If you got you some milk, just gimme a sip.
My tail’s like silk, and my paws are large.
Of the people in the house, I am in charge.

My meow is like FIRE, it’s a splittin ear screech.
I don’t know Chong, but I do know Cheech.
I like to eat mice and I like to eat rabbit.
But I won’t lie, baby… I got one bad habit.

So if you wanna get down with a big yellow cat
Just drop me a line and I’ll see about dat.

Sincerely,
Pungo

via

Meankitty

You can see Pungo’s original Meankitty page here: http://meankitty.com/2012/06/pungo/