Meankitty Wants to Know: Sela Carsen’s DOG

Again, this is from author Sela Carsen, who kindly typed this for her DOG, Oliver. To see my interview with Sela, click here.

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1) So, your human writes books. Are they (a) full of praise and hyped up lies about dogs; or (b) do they contain interesting stories? If A, interview is over. If B, you may continue.

A and B! Ha! Gotcha Kitty! She wrote a cat once, but it was before she met me. Her taste has improved infinitely.

2) If writers are supposed to be so smart, why does your writer have a dog instead of a cat when it’s common knowledge cats are better? Does that mean your writer isn’t very smart?

My Writer is brilliant. And devoted. She gives me loves and hugs and she doesn’t care about hair on her black sweaters.

3) So why did your human end up a writer instead of an animal sanctuary owner or something like that?

She likes to write. She hates to clean up dog-sick. I hear there’s the potential for dog-sick at animal sanctuaries.

4) Does being a writer mean your human is home all day and easy to access? What is her day like?

She sits down in front of her computer and eats her cereal. This is a bad time for me as I’m not allowed on her lap. However, her desk is cunningly positioned in front of a heating vent, so I lay down there until breakfast is over. Then I lay in her lap for loves and hugs and a short nap before her other pets get up. They only have two legs, so I have to be gentle with them. I very gently pin the littlest one on the floor and lick him. I keep trying to make him smell right – y’know, doggy – but my Writer keeps washing him.

Once the little ones are at school, the big Not Writer Man and I bark at each other for a while. Then it goes back to the routine of sleeping on the heater vent, laying in her lap, then making her get up and think I have to go potty when all I really want to do is stare through the patio door. Lather, rinse, repeat.

5) As a dog, you’re probably not devious or fascinating, but on the off-chance you do have feline traits, what are your techniques for distracting your human during crucial writing moments?

Mostly it’s the smell. I have a gift, I admit it proudly. I am gifted with copious amounts of digestive gas, which I am able to release into the atmosphere at carefully timed moments when my Writer is particularly intent on her writing. It may seem crude, but it’s definitely effective. She gets all teary-eyed and everything.

6) What indignities and neglect have you suffered because of your human’s writing career (besides the absence of a cat to properly rule the house)?

When I’m told to get off the lap. No more loves and hugs. This is usually after one of my well-timed gas attacks.

7) Tell me about the felines in your human’s fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play?

Well, there was that one cat she wrote, but it was before she met me. I can forgive past indiscretions. But this new story – wow! She even wrote about me and her previous glorious Boxer in the dedications! The character is great! He’s a good protector and he’s very bouncy, he loves to bark at strangers, and he smells just like me! She even named him Twister because that’s what I do when I get happy. I twist my body all over the place. This comes from having no tail, so we Boxers just substitute our entire back half when we wag.

8) When your human gets together with other writers, do they spend half their time sniffing each other’s butts like dogs do?

Not that I’ve noticed. It’s all about the upper torso for these guys. Hugging, kissing on cheeks. I don’t get it.

9) What is your human’s next project (bonus points if you answer: getting a cat)?

She’s writing something that makes her get all red in the face and she has to stop and wave her hands around her cheeks. I tried to tell her that panting works better when you’re overheated, but I think she ended up writing that into the story. And I don’t think there are any dogs in it. Or cats. She has a picture of a dragon up on her desk, though. Hmmm. I wonder if dragons are good to play with?

***

Sela’s website is: www.selacarsen.com

Sincerely,
MK the Tolerant (so shut up all you haters!)

Meankitty Wants to Know: Sela Carsen

Because I am expansive, generous, open minded and gracious, I have lowered myself to interview a writer-human whose pet is a DOG. The writer in question is Samhain author Sela Carsen, who also blogs with Typing Slave at Beyond the Veil.

Tomorrow or the next day we will be hearing from the DOG since some individuals have accused me of being biased.

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1) Why did you decide to be a writer instead of a cat sanctuary owner?

Being a cat owner doesn’t pay quite as well.

2) Why do you think cats are better than dogs? (Since you call yourself a writer, I trust your answer will be eloquent.)

Er, I have a dog. I hope you’ll still love me in the morning.

3) Tell me about the felines in your fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play in your narratives?

Actually, I did write a cat into one of my stories. It’s not available anymore, but an Italian Renaissance heroine had a green-eyed cat named Giada. She was a pretty feisty feline.

My current release, CAROLINA WOLF, however, features a dog. Ok, and a wolf, but the dog is the pet. Very eager and sweet, slightly drooly, and a little…umm, odorous.

4) What are your favorite works of fiction involving cats or favorite fictional cats?

You caught me. I admit it. My secret indulgence are cat-cozy mysteries. KoKo, YumYum, Sneaky Pie Brown and Midnight Louie are like catnip to me.

6) Do you have any amazing, or at least humorous, real life cat stories you’d like to share?

Not so much, I’m afraid. I think I’m too friendly for most cats. They find me undignified.

7) Multiple choice 1. What is your preference and why?
A) Long hair
B) Short hair
C) No hair
— Note: I am not, of course, referring to the hirsute qualities of your most recent hero or heroine.

Oooooh, you’re naughty! Let’s just say “neatly groomed” and leave it at that. 😉

8) Multiple choice 2. You have a writing deadline but the cat who rules you wants some attention. Desperately. Do you:

A) Lock the cat in another room and keep working?
B) Pet the cat for a couple minutes and then toss her cruelly aside?
C) Pet the cat as long as she wants because you know it will inspire and refresh you?
— Note: If you answered anything besides C, we suggest you consider the fact you could have written a much better book if you had been inspired and refreshed instead of mean to the cat.

Substitute DOG for CAT, and you get answer C. When a 60 lb Boxer wants in your lap, it’s not like you have a choice, you know? Mostly, he gets his front half (the heavy half) up there, then he falls asleep while resting his head on my arm, thus inducing me to type one-handed. I’m getting pretty proficient.

User submitted questions:

How goes the discussion about discipline in your house?

“Oliver, get off the furniture. Oliver, stop barking. Oliver, drop the toy. Oliver, drop the glove. Oliver, drop the hat. Oliver, would you, for once, puke on the tile and not on the white carpet!”

What one thing would you change about your pet/human?

Not a thing! Well, maybe the gassiness.

Do you believe pets and humans come to resemble each other over time?

He’s a handsome dog, but I don’t really want to look like a Boxer.

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Sincerely,
MK

Meankitty Wants to Know: Jennifer Yates’ Cats

As promised yesterday, here is the other and more IMPORTANT (aka feline) half of the Jennifer Yates interview. The participants are Mattie and Dipstick. The other cats who run Jennifer’s life declined the invitation…something about being private felines.

1) So, your human is an obsessive reader of books. Does this mean he or she is home all day and easy to access? Elaborate if necessary.

Mattie: She is pretty easy to access although we sometimes prefer the others in the household because we know they won’t ignore us if we whine…err…meow loud enough. Not that the human with the books does that, but she doesn’t seem to like some of our interesting quirks. She actually pushed me off her shoulders the other day…and I couldn’t help it if I “accidentally” knocked over a stack of books on her floor.

Dipstick: Food…did someone say food?

Mattie: No, Dipstick, no one said food. Forgive him…he has a one-track mind and it’s not the track you would expect.

2) How large a proportion of her income does she devote to books instead of your gourmet tuna, cat beds, toys and other basic necessities?

Dipstick: Gourmet tuna?!?!?! They have GOURMET tuna????

Mattie: Snap out of it, Dipstick! We get fed pretty well. To answer the question, we have no clue. As long as we have food and love we are happy. And as long as she is happy, we are happy. Reading, if that is what it is called, seems to make her happy.

Dipstick: Although, I could be happier with gourmet tuna.

Mattie: *smacks Dipstick with paw*

3) What are your techniques for distracting your human during crucial reading moments, just because it’s fun?

Mattie: *evil grin appears* Well…don’t tell her, but I have been known to “accidentally” jump in her lap or on top of her book. And I did mention knocking over a large stack of books the other day. I have also laid down on her laptop a couple of times…while she was using it. It got her attention.

Dipstick: See, I am much nicer. I wouldn’t do any of those things.

Mattie: Yeah, because you think they’ll stop feeding us.

Dipstick: Well, there is that…

4) What indignities and neglect have you suffered because of your human’s reading habits?

Mattie: I don’t think we have been neglected at all. If she doesn’t feed us or love on us, someone will.

Dipstick: Although, I wouldn’t complain if she wanted to give us extra food.

5) What works of cinema involving cats does your human enjoy sharing with you?

Mattie: She watched this one scary movie where the cats and dogs were fighting. The brilliant cats were out to take over the world, but those vicious dogs were out to stop them.

Dipstick: That one was scary! Oh, and so was that other one she watched…Beethoven or something. Gave me nightmares for weeks.

6) If you could make one change to your human, what would it be?

Mattie: I don’t think I’d change her. I am pretty happy with her as she is…oh wait, I know, I’d make her more receptive when I jump on her back and onto her shoulders. The view from up there is wonderful, but she doesn’t seem to like it. Of course, I guess I shouldn’t bite her ears when I am up there.

Dipstick: I’d have her get us some of that gourmet tuna! But other than that, she’s a pretty cool human.

User submitted:

Question for pets: Are you happy with your human?

Mattie: I love my humans so I am very happy with them.

Dipstick: Same here. They are awesome.

If you could tell your human one thing, what would it be?

Mattie: I love you!

Dipstick: Buy gourmet tuna! *Mattie smacks him* Oh, alright, I’d tell them that I love them too and thank you for everything they do.

What things does your human do that would mortify it if known?

Mattie: Hmm…not much, but she has been known to stay in her pajamas all day. Although why humans feel the need for clothing at all is beyond me. Guess it is because you lack the fur that we have. But if she ever even thinks about putting clothes on me, she’ll have to watch more than her back around me.

Dipstick: I kind of like her clothes…especially the pajamas with the cats…makes it easier to grab onto her when I try to climb up. But I agree, I wouldn’t be caught wearing them!

Mattie: I guess you have a point about the climbing thing…hmm. I’ll have to experiment and see which outfit allows for a better grip the next time I am in a climbing mood.

What does your human do that most annoys?

Mattie: That iPod thingie she listens to annoys me. Because when she wears the headphones, she can’t hear us. Also, she doesn’t let me ride on her shoulders.

Dipstick: Doesn’t buy gourmet tuna.

Mattie: *sighs* I give up!

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Sincerely,
MK & TS

Meankitty Wants to Know: Jennifer Yates

Last week (February 1-7), Typing Slave and some other author-types posted a bunch of words that did not interest me at the blog of one Jennifer Yates, who is a reader. Now, readers do interest me, because they are often stationary and not averse to a cat in the lap. However, if the book is really engrossing, they ARE averse to getting up and fetching my cat treats. That’s when I’m forced to utilize the stink bomb.

Anyway, here’s an interview from Jennifer, and be sure to check back tomorrow when we interview Jennifer’s cat!

1) Why did you decide to be a reader/blogger instead of a cat sanctuary owner?

Well, it was a tough decision *g*, but honestly I became a reader/blogger because it is something that I enjoy. It actually started on a whim and a way for me to blog about my fave authors and books. I really didn’t think anyone would even read it so imagine my surprise when a couple of years later it has become a frequent stop for some readers and authors.

In a way though, our home sort of acts like a cat sanctuary as the cats keep inviting their stray friends to show up for some grub.

2) Why do you think cats are better than dogs? (Since you call yourself a reader, I trust your answer will be eloquent.)

I am not so sure on the eloquent part, but I believe cats are pretty smart and self-sufficient. They are able to take care of themselves pretty well. They don’t require constant attention like dogs do (although they are quick to let you know when they do) plus they are pretty quiet or at least ours are. No getting awakened in the middle of the night by constant barking…although we once had an outdoor cat who knocked on the window when it was time for us to get up.

3) Tell me about the felines in your favorite fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play in the narratives?

You know, I am not sure if I have ever read a book where the cat makes a big appearance. If I have it has been a while. Usually the focus is on those human folks rather than the animals.

4) On the off-chance you have yet to read books about cats, when do you plan to rectify this egregious error and demonstration of poor taste in literature?

Well…I guess that will be right away…any recommendations?

5) What are your favorite works of cinema involving cats?

I enjoyed the movie Cats and Dogs, but they made the cats look evil in that one. Although, I often wonder if my cats have secret plans to take over the world. Other than that I can’t think of that many cat movies.

6) Do you have any amazing, or at least humorous, real life cat stories you’d like to share?

We currently have a cat named Mattie who seems to believe she was a parrot in another life. She loves to ride on shoulders. It was cute the first couple of times, but after a while the claws in your back as she unexpectedly jumps on you to climb up kind of hurt. You can’t turn your back on her.

7) Multiple choice. What is your preference and why?
A) Long hair
B) Short hair
C) No hair
— Note: I am not, of course, referring to the hirsute qualities of the hero or heroine in your most recent read.

B — They are easier to groom…although we have a long-haired that is gorgeous.
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Just for Jennifer, we have included a photo of a gorgeous long haired cat to illustrate this post. The amazing face before you is Khan from http://www.meankitty.com/.
Sincerely,

MK & TS

Meankitty Wants to Know: Jess Granger

This week for my author interview series, I’ve got something a little different and a LOT more interesting! The cats who own author Jess Granger took the time to answer my questions. Now you can learn the truth behind being the cat who rules a writer, like I don’t already fill you in on those details.

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Hi! I’m Suki, my writer, Jess Granger’s, most helpfullest helper and muse. I’m a Siamese/tabby cross and a much smart kitty. My older sis Maggie, a bi-color tortie is here too. But she’s a singer not a talker, so she said I can answer most of the questions. We’re happy to be here, Meankitty.

1) So, your human writes books. Does this mean he or she is home all day and easy to access? Elaborate if necessary.

S: Yup, Jess likes to write, but she sometimes has trouble finding the time because she has to chase her kittens all the time. Oh, excuse me, kids. I try to help when she is writing by jumping on her desk and rubbing up against her monitor, or lying in the middle of her papers. Honestly, how else is the monitor going to get dusted, or the papers creased so you can flip through them easier? Any thoughts Maggie?

M: I like the computer room, it’s warm. *squints eyes.*

2) How large a proportion of her income do you have her devote to your gourmet tuna, cat beds, toys and other basic necessities?

S: Gourmet tuna? You mean you can buy gourmet tuna? Why wasn’t I aware of this?

3) What are your techniques for distracting your human during crucial writing moments, just because it’s fun?

S: My favorite is to jump on her lap and force my way under her elbows so she has to type like a scarecrow. Then, if she’s willing to put up with that, I move on to kneading her leg with my claws. She loves it!

M: *chuckles*

4) What indignities and neglect have you suffered because of your human’s writing career?

S: *scowls* She does not devote nearly enough time to playing with my fishing pole! I cry and cry. I lead her to the closet, but does she play with it? No! It is a travesty. When she does finally bend to my will, I protest. I’ll pounce on the feathers once, then hide under the table in my “stalking” position, just so she knows I’m still interested, but I won’t jump out again.

M: I’ll do it.

S: Turncoat.

5) Tell me about the felines in your human’s fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play?

S: In her first book, Beyond the Rain, a Science Fiction Romance coming out in bookstores this August, there’s a character inspired by me! Okay, so Vicca is a fox and not a cat, but my human assured me that she’s an alien fox and has many feline characteristics. She says Vicca took on my personality while I “helped” her write. You can read about Vicca in the first chapter of Beyond the Rain. It is up on my human’s website, http://www.jessgranger.com

She also has a true cat character in the sequel to Beyond the Rain. Tuz is a war cat, and inspired by my cousin, Jackhammer.

6) On the off-chance your human has yet to incorporate cats into a story, what are your plans for making sure she rectifies this egregious error and demonstration of poor writing skills?

S: No need, my human loves writing animal characters, but if she ever writes about a dog, I may have to voice my displeasure.

7) What works of fiction or cinema involving cats does your human enjoy sharing with you?

S: Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats is always a favorite, as well as Cat Stories by James Harriot. She also won’t admit this, but the old Disney movie about the cat from outer space is a favorite.

8) If you could make one change to your human, what would it be?

S: I love my human. She’s very attentive and doesn’t complain much when I walk on her at night and insist on sneaking under the covers and squeezing between her and her mate. How about you, Maggie?

M: I’m good. I’m clean, warm, and fed. Life is nice.

S: We both came from shelters, but Maggie was full grown and very sick when she adopted our humans. She’s not too picky about things. I was a tiny kitten, so I don’t remember much before living with my human. Consequently, my demands are more fitting my feline status of “permanent kitten,” of the family.

It was fun being here and talking to you. Be sure to read about my alter-ego Vicca the fox, on my human’s website!

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If you have questions for the cats, or, I suppose, Jess Granger, you may ask them in the comments. Thanks for stopping by!

Sincerely,
MK (www.meankitty.com) & Typing Slave (www.jodywallace.com)

Meankitty Wants to Know: Marie Nicole Ryan

Just to prove I’m a good-sported cat, here is an interview from romantic suspense author Marie-Nicole Ryan, who, as you will see, isn’t the most tasteful tuna in the pantry… I don’t know what my Typing Slave sees in her, but they’re buds, so here’s her interview!

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1) Why did you decide to be a writer instead of a cat sanctuary owner?

Because writing is a lot more fun than cleaning a hundred litter boxes every day.

2) Why do you think cats are better than dogs? (Since you call yourself a writer, I trust your answer will be eloquent.)

I don’t think cats are better than dogs. Dogs are loving and affectionate and poop outside.

3) Tell me about the felines in your fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play in your narratives?

In spite of the fact I’m a dog lover, I did insert two felines into a story, SEE YOU IN MY DREAMS. The two felines were named, Yin and Yang, one black and one white, but they were window dressing and only added at the request of a male friend, who shall remain nameless.

4) On the off-chance you have yet to incorporate cats into your fiction, when do you plan to rectify this egregious error and demonstration of poor writing skills?

As much as my answer may distress you, I don’t have any such plans.

5) What are your favorite works of fiction involving cats or favorite fictional cats?

I love Lilian Jackson Braun’s THE CAT WHO… books. Koko and Yum Yum are her two felines who manage to point Jim Qwilleran in the right direction to solve the murder. Actually it’s the male Siamese, Koko, who does the honors.

6) Do you have any amazing, or at least humorous, real life cat stories you’d like to share?

No, but I could tell you some doozies about my prior charming doggies.

7) Multiple choice 1. What is your preference and why?
A) Long hair
B) Short hair
C) No hair
— Note: I am not, of course, referring to the hirsute qualities of your most recent hero or heroine.

B) Less hair to kak up. No hair would just be too icky.

8) Multiple choice 2. You have a writing deadline but the cat who rules you wants some attention. Desperately. Do you:
A) Lock the cat in another room and keep working?
B) Pet the cat for a couple minutes and then toss her cruelly aside?
C) Pet the cat as long as she wants because you know it will inspire and refresh you?
— Note: If you answered anything besides C, we suggest you consider the fact you could have written a much better book if you had been inspired and refreshed instead of mean to the cat.

D) none of the above since I don’t have a cat, however, I know cats, as well as dogs, are good for our health, so the C statement is true.

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If anyone else, human or other, has any questions for the human, post them in the comments!

Sincerely,
MK (www.meankitty.com) & Typing Slave (www.jodywallace.com)

Meankitty Wants To Know: Sharron McClellan

In an attempt to establish some kind of regular feature on the blog (Mankitty Mondays just didn’t go over well), I (Meankitty) have decided to interview Typing Slave’s author friends and occasionally their pets to learn the true scoop behind what it’s like to sit around all day telling lies for a living. I mean, I know what it’s like for Typing Slave — pretty lame — so I thought I’d find out if the lameness is universal.

First up, author Sharron McClellan, who writes romantic adventures for Silhouette Romance.

1) Why did you decide to be a writer instead of a cat sanctuary owner?

The pay is better and being human, I need things like a place to live, groceries and bottles of red wine. If cat’s had wallets and opposable thumbs to open them, I’d be all over it.

2) Why do you think cats are better than dogs? (Since you call yourself a writer, I trust your answer will be eloquent.)

Feline wisdom stares
at me from behind green eyes.
Dogs are not so bright.

Okay, no a great haiku, but poetry is NOT my forte. Wants something blown up…then I’m your girl.

3) Tell me about the felines in your fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play in your narratives?

My upcoming book—Mercenary’s Promise has a wounded jaguar. !YaY! for jaguars—but so sad I had to write it wounded. On the upside, it lives so here’s hoping the kitties don’t come after me in my sleep.

4) What are your favorite works of fiction involving cats or favorite fictional cats?

Without a doubt–Magnifi-Cat by Caroyln Sheehan. It’s the eternal Good vs. Evil and a cat who is shows up in heaven as a Saint (not a shocker). Sadly it is out of print but I highly suggest finding a copy if possible. It rocks!

5) Do you have any amazing, or at least humorous, real life cat stories you’d like to share?

Um….none the cat will let me talk about. You know how they are about being embarrassed…and I prefer to live, dammit!

6) Multiple choice 1: What is your preference and why?
A) Long hair
B) Short hair
C) No hair—
Note: I am not, of course, referring to the hirsute qualities of your most recent hero or heroine.


What? No medium hair? That’s my preference as they have less shedding than the long hair but not as much dander as the short. Ahhh…the perfect cat.

7) Multiple choice 2: You have a writing deadline but the cat who rules you wants some attention. Desperately. Do you:
A) Lock the cat in another room and keep working?
B) Pet the cat for a couple minutes and then toss her cruelly aside?
C) Pet the cat as long as she wants because you know it will inspire and refresh you?

Note: If you answered anything besides C, we suggest you consider the fact you could have written a much better book if you had been inspired and refreshed instead of mean to the cat.

My cats never left any option but “C”. And I gratefully accepted their judgment because yes, I am whipped.

User submitted questions:

Q) How goes the discussion about discipline in your house?

There’s a discussion? I thought the cats just made the rules and I followed.

Q) What one thing would you change about your pet/human?

About Mr Wooly-knickers or Sally (the cats)—Nothing. They are the best cats ever! I think Mr Wooly would like us to change his name.

Q) Do you believe pets and humans come to resemble each other over time?

Here’s hoping not.

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If anybody else, feline or other, has any questions for Sharron, fire away in the comments! She did say she likes explosions.
Sincerely,
MK