1) Jensen kitties (of author Kelly Jensen fame), tell us about yourselves. That’s the most important thing. And include glamour shots!
I’m Jack and I’m going to appoint myself spokeskitty for the group. Shadow only knows how to produce a pathetic squeak that is completely unbecoming of her size, and someone dropped Sisi on her head when she was a kitten. She makes no sense. Ever. I, of course, am the perfect cat. If my fur were black, I’d have what you call a tuxedo pattern. I think my grey tabby coat is much more attractive than boring old black, however. I’m handsome and charming and my whites are always extremely white. I groom for hours to achieve this effect. Shadow and Sisi are both all black. Boring black. Well, Shadow has three white hairs on her chest. They’re weird. She should pluck them out.
2) I gather your human writes books. Does this mean she is home all day and easy to access? Elaborate if necessary. How does this benefit you?
Kelly is home all day and easy to access. The stalking begins early, usually before the sun has risen, when we hustle her downstairs to the treat container. Treats must be spread in a single arc across the floor so all three of us can get our faces down there at the same time. Kelly is then allowed to amuse herself until the child goes to school, which is when she heads back upstairs to begin what she calls work. I help by sitting on the corner of her desk. Sometimes I put my paw on her keyboard. Or I touch her face. Or I stand in front of the monitor so she can admire the grey stripes along my side. Ideally, Kelly will praise and kiss me while I do this. She doesn’t seem to understand that I do not want to be picked up at this point, however.
Around the time we’re finishing our first nap, Kelly runs up the driveway. I followed her once. She continued running up the street. There was no mouse, no vole, not even a chipmunk. Nothing. She just ran… and came back in an hour. She does this every morning. It’s very confusing.
Then she goes back to the computer. At lunch time she sits on the couch for half an hour to an hour. I lick her sandwich when she’s not looking, which is often as she watches the TV while eating. Then it’s back to her computer. Shadow’s on shift in the afternoon. She doesn’t get on the desk, though. She’s too lazy, or just plain uncoordinated. Sisi gets the evening shift, which is the easiest, really. That’s when Kelly returns to the couch for extended periods.
3) What are your techniques for distracting your human during crucial writing moments, just because it’s fun?
Well, there’s the aforementioned screen blocking. I enjoy that very much. Shadow likes to sit in her chair. Kelly will often kneel at the computer rather than disturb her. Sisi is very bad at interference. She never bothers Kelly while she’s working. Our dear departed sister Java was an excellent distraction. She liked to bring small mammals inside and crunch on them right beside Kelly’s desk. I dropped a snake on her foot once. It was very effective. I should try it again.
4) What indignities and neglect have you suffered because of your human’s writing career?
She doesn’t cook very interesting food when she’s writing. It’s sandwiches, sandwiches and more sandwiches. I prefer salmon, tuna—particularly the casserole she makes with corn—lasagna, shrimp and pizza. Kelly makes very good pizza. Good sauce.
5) Tell me about the felines in your human’s fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play? I hear there’s a new book about cat shifters.
Many of her characters keep company with cats. My favourite would be Socks, who traveled with Iain. Don’t ask me about Iain, I don’t care about Iain. Socks, however, was a great cat. He had Iain trained to carry him across his shoulders. He got to go everywhere with Iain. I’d like to go everywhere with Kelly. Except when she runs up the driveway. That just seems rather pointless.
This new book with the cat that changes into a human is very confusing. Why would a cat willingly change into a human? It makes no sense, particularly when, as I understand it, the cat in this book had the human wrapped around his forepaw. Nova lox for breakfast? Kelly could take a lesson from this.
6) What books in the future will feature cats? Oh, and a new fad soon to hit the shifter world — shifter pigs. Better get in while the getting is good.
She’s planning a sequel to Best in Show (the confusing book with the cat that can change into a human). It will feature an entire family of cats who can do the same thing. I honestly don’t think she understands her audience. Who wants to read about a lot of cats switching between human and cat form? They’re obviously very confused people. Kelly should write about cats that change into nothing.
The book she’s writing right now has four cats in it. I approve. Charlie, her main character, is a very good cat person. Well, except for the fact he also owns a dog. I’m very glad Kelly doesn’t own a dog.
Bacon comes from pigs, doesn’t it? I like bacon.
7) What works of fiction or cinema involving cats does your human enjoy sharing with you?
8) If you could make one change to your human, what would it be?
For her to understand that after I have spent half an hour grooming my fur, I do not want to be stroked. Every time she touches my fur, I have to lick it again. It’s very frustrating. The worst part is that I think she does it sometimes to tease me.