Meankitty Wants to Know: Kelly Jensen Kitties

1) Jensen kitties (of author Kelly Jensen fame), tell us about yourselves. That’s the most important thing. And include glamour shots!

Jack the cat
Jack is handsome and charming.

I’m Jack and I’m going to appoint myself spokeskitty for the group. Shadow only knows how to produce a pathetic squeak that is completely unbecoming of her size, and someone dropped Sisi on her head when she was a kitten. She makes no sense. Ever. I, of course, am the perfect cat. If my fur were black, I’d have what you call a tuxedo pattern. I think my grey tabby coat is much more attractive than boring old black, however. I’m handsome and charming and my whites are always extremely white. I groom for hours to achieve this effect. Shadow and Sisi are both all black. Boring black. Well, Shadow has three white hairs on her chest. They’re weird. She should pluck them out.

2) I gather your human writes books. Does this mean she is home all day and easy to access? Elaborate if necessary. How does this benefit you?

Kelly is home all day and easy to access. The stalking begins early, usually before the sun has risen, when we hustle her downstairs to the treat container. Treats must be spread in a single arc across the floor so all three of us can get our faces down there at the same time. Kelly is then allowed to amuse herself until the child goes to school, which is when she heads back upstairs to begin what she calls work. I help by sitting on the corner of her desk. Sometimes I put my paw on her keyboard. Or I touch her face. Or I stand in front of the monitor so she can admire the grey stripes along my side. Ideally, Kelly will praise and kiss me while I do this. She doesn’t seem to understand that I do not want to be picked up at this point, however.

Around the time we’re finishing our first nap, Kelly runs up the driveway. I followed her once. She continued running up the street. There was no mouse, no vole, not even a chipmunk. Nothing. She just ran… and came back in an hour. She does this every morning. It’s very confusing.

Sisi the cat
Sisi was dropped on her head as a kitten.

Then she goes back to the computer. At lunch time she sits on the couch for half an hour to an hour. I lick her sandwich when she’s not looking, which is often as she watches the TV while eating. Then it’s back to her computer. Shadow’s on shift in the afternoon. She doesn’t get on the desk, though. She’s too lazy, or just plain uncoordinated. Sisi gets the evening shift, which is the easiest, really. That’s when Kelly returns to the couch for extended periods.

black cat in a flower pot
Shadow also likes to sit in planters.

3) What are your techniques for distracting your human during crucial writing moments, just because it’s fun?

Well, there’s the aforementioned screen blocking. I enjoy that very much. Shadow likes to sit in her chair. Kelly will often kneel at the computer rather than disturb her. Sisi is very bad at interference. She never bothers Kelly while she’s working. Our dear departed sister Java was an excellent distraction. She liked to bring small mammals inside and crunch on them right beside Kelly’s desk. I dropped a snake on her foot once. It was very effective. I should try it again.

4) What indignities and neglect have you suffered because of your human’s writing career?

She doesn’t cook very interesting food when she’s writing. It’s sandwiches, sandwiches and more sandwiches. I prefer salmon, tuna—particularly the casserole she makes with corn—lasagna, shrimp and pizza. Kelly makes very good pizza. Good sauce.

5) Tell me about the felines in your human’s fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play? I hear there’s a new book about cat shifters.

Many of her characters keep company with cats. My favourite would be Socks, who traveled with Iain. Don’t ask me about Iain, I don’t care about Iain. Socks, however, was a great cat. He had Iain trained to carry him across his shoulders. He got to go everywhere with Iain. I’d like to go everywhere with Kelly. Except when she runs up the driveway. That just seems rather pointless.

best in showThis new book with the cat that changes into a human is very confusing. Why would a cat willingly change into a human? It makes no sense, particularly when, as I understand it, the cat in this book had the human wrapped around his forepaw. Nova lox for breakfast? Kelly could take a lesson from this.

6) What books in the future will feature cats? Oh, and a new fad soon to hit the shifter world — shifter pigs. Better get in while the getting is good.

She’s planning a sequel to Best in Show (the confusing book with the cat that can change into a human). It will feature an entire family of cats who can do the same thing. I honestly don’t think she understands her audience. Who wants to read about a lot of cats switching between human and cat form? They’re obviously very confused people. Kelly should write about cats that change into nothing.

The book she’s writing right now has four cats in it. I approve. Charlie, her main character, is a very good cat person. Well, except for the fact he also owns a dog. I’m very glad Kelly doesn’t own a dog.

Bacon comes from pigs, doesn’t it? I like bacon.

7) What works of fiction or cinema involving cats does your human enjoy sharing with you?

Kelly watches a lot of anime and cats seem to be, in general, highly regarded in these shows. In particular, I like The Cat Returns. She once read a book called I am a Cat. It wasn’t about a cat.sun-spot

8) If you could make one change to your human, what would it be?

For her to understand that after I have spent half an hour grooming my fur, I do not want to be stroked. Every time she touches my fur, I have to lick it again. It’s very frustrating. The worst part is that I think she does it sometimes to tease me.

Sincerely,

Meankitty

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Zombie…or Cat?

dial v for vampireMeankitty Interviews Zombie, the main character in Dial V for Vampire

Recently a Meankitty human friend, Isabella Norse, released the first in a new paranormal romantic comedy series, Dial V for Vampire. The series feels like a cozy mixed with a sweet romance — fade to black or no sex scenes, good natured characters, light drama. After this post, if you have any other suggestions in this vein (LOL) of romance, please let us know!

But for now, the premise of this book is that our heroine, Maggie, has a snarky blog about living with a zombie, but when she comes up with the idea for the blog, she has no idea that supernatural creatures actually exist…

1) So, Zombie, how did you select the heroine of the book to be your new human?

When you find yourself living on the streets, you learn to read people quickly or you don’t survive. Maggie had a good heart – she was always stopping to check on me and to bring me food. Sometimes, she even brought me treats from the diner. Life in a sewer drain was hard on these old bones. Once I earned Maggie’s trust, I gave her the opportunity to take me home with her. How could she resist?

2) Are you really as friendly as you seem in the book or are you biding your time?

I’m a pretty chill guy, but I don’t have the patience for drama. I’m not above raising a paw to a youngster in need of a bit of an attitude adjustment. *cough* Van Helsing *cough*

zombiecat23) Do you have plans for the author/heroine to write future books about your adventures? You can include your methods of brain control or inspiring the non-fictional cats in the author’s life if needed.

I’ll make appearances in future novels but I’m enjoying being out of the lime light. My biggest decisions now are deciding between napping on the window seat (great view) or on Maggie’s laptop (it’s warm and guarantees that I get attention). When I feel the need to intervene, my preferred method of mind control is to sleep on Maggie’s head. She thinks the purrs are relaxing – little does she know that the vibration allows me to transfer my thoughts directly into her mind. I just try to act surprised when she acts on the ideas I implanted.

4) I notice the “heat” level of this paranormal romance book was on the sweet side of things. How do you plan to interrupt any hanky panky the hero and heroine try to get up to in order to keep the books PG rated?

That’s almost too easy! There is always the pile of strategically-placed barf (I can barf at will) or a well-timed swipe at Noah’s dangly bits. However, my favorite is the simple sit-and-stare. It weirds the humans out every time!

5) How did you inspire the heroine to be so smart that she was able to help the hero figure out there was a plot against him?

As much as it pains me to admit, I can’t take credit for that one. Maggie is a sharp girl and she had the advantage of looking at Noah’s situation with fresh eyes. However, I will take full credit for bringing them together. *wraps fluffy tail around paws smugly*

6) Can you share a sample blog entry the heroine wrote about you, Zombie, before she found out the truth about zombies?

Gladly. Just don’t let Maggie know that I can use her laptop – she still thinks she is coming up with all of these ideas on her own!

The care and feeding of zombies:

Well y’all, nursing a zombie back to health is easier said than done. I mean, just how healthy is a zombie anyway? Let’s face it, even on their best days, most zombies could use a facial if not a full-body seaweed wrap.

It has taken some experimentation but, in the event that you also find yourself caring for a zombie and don’t have any fresh brains on hand, (in this economy, who does?) canned tuna will work in a pinch.

Next post: Zombie Hygiene

***

Thanks for having me, Meankitty!

Zombie and Isabella (Izzy) Norse

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Meankitty Wants to Know: Author Pippa Jay

wallace_j_meankittycomputerOur interview series has sadly become sporadic as my human has slowly harassed and conned nearly every reader and author she knows into participating. Today we happily have fresh meat in the form of author Pippa Jay, who writes sciencey romancey lovey stuff, among other things.

1) Why did you decide to be a writer instead of a cat sanctuary owner? (You do, after all, seem to have many animals that cats would really enjoy eating, I mean, meeting.)

Well, first off writing is generally a lot less smelly. I actually worked at a local cat rescue centre for a year, so I know from experience (unless one of my little monsters is home, in which case it can be as smelly, noisy, and destructive as running a cat sanctuary. Maybe more so.). It’s also cheaper (in relative terms. I occasionally sell a book but I think I’m meant to *give away* the cats to new homes). Writing also doesn’t demand I pet it, doesn’t vomit on my carpets or trash my furniture. On the other hand, my writing doesn’t purr for me either.

2) Why DO you have chickens, a gecko and fish instead of a cat, anyway?

We had two cats before we had our kids. The cats didn’t enjoy the arrival of the kids, and we had a few clashes. When the the second cat passed away (at the grand age of 17 in his favourite sunbathing spot), I couldn’t actually face getting another one to replace him. I refused to have a dog – hubs refused to have cats, hamsters or rabbits, so those were out. We chose chickens because they come with benefits (eggs), the gecko is unusual (and I have a fondness for reptiles), and fish are easy and don’t leave hair on the furniture. My youngest was diagnosed with asthma last year, so we also felt any pet hair might be a health risk for him and aggravate his condition. I would still like to have a cat one day but hubs would then insist on having a dog (and I am NOT having a dog).

3) Why do you think cats are better than dogs? (Since you call yourself a writer, I trust your answer will be eloquent.)

Cats are bad-ass, self-sufficient, confident, fluffy – I’d love to be at least three out of those four myself, so I admire cats a lot. Cats don’t need to be taken for walks, and you aren’t legally required to pick up their poop (not on a regular basis anyway. We do, unfortunately, find ourselves occasionally having to deal with poop from the neighbours’ cats when they use our veggie patch as a toilet). I’m also a Leo, so I identify with cats a lot more than dogs.

4) Tell me about the felines in your fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play in your narratives? (On the off-chance you have yet to incorporate cats into your fiction, when or how do you plan to rectify this egregious error and demonstration of poor writing skills?)

Tethered_3Oh, I have cats in my books! I have a war-like, felinoid species called the Tier-vane in my SciFi rom Tethered. They’re the villains of the piece – ferocious and powerful – and play a big role in that book. As yet, that’s the only story they’ve appeared in. I also have a species similar to griffins (part cat, part bird) that’ll appear in book four of my current time-travel series – I’ve only published up to book two so far, with number three due for release 2017, so I haven’t quite reached them, but they are awesome! Smart, but not monsters. I even have a superhero short with a cat-based heroine, though I’ve yet to finish it. So I’ve no doubt other cat-related creatures and races will turn up in future books.

5) Do you have chickens, fish or geckos in your books?

In a manner of speaking, yes. I have both avian and reptilian races in several of my books (I try to give all species a fair representation!). I also have a cephalopod species, but in general fish have mostly just appeared as a food item.

6) What are your favorite works of fiction or cinema involving cats or favorite fictional cats?

One of my favourite SciFi stories ever is a Star Trek extended universe book called Uhura’s Song by Janet Kagan. It features two divided felinoid cultures, and I loved it. My first email address was even based on one of the characters – Toolongtail. I also have a soft spot for the Cheetah People in Survival (Doctor Who, 7th), and the feline Sisters of Plenitude (New Earth and Gridlock, Doctor Who, 10th). And of course there’s Cat from Red Dwarf, played by Danny John-Jules, who evolved over six million years from Dave Lister’s pet cat Frankenstein.

fluffyard
Do I see CHOOKS??? Let the games begin!

7carpetchook) Tell us the funniest story you remember about your current menagerie or past pets, unless, of course, it’s a story that reflects poorly on cats. (Stories of dogs being dumb are received particularly well by our audience.)

indoorchooks indoorchookEr, how about some cute photos of my Pekins trying to become house chickens instead? (I only have embarrassing stories about my cats and I don’t want to upset Meankitty).

8) If your space travelers were to encounter a world run by cats, what do you think that world would be like?

It would depend if you’re talking about our modern domesticated cat being on a world specially adapted for them, or an evolved feline species capable of shaping their own. With the former, I imagine it would be pretty much like Earth except humans would be the stay-home pets serving their feline overlords, no dogs obviously, and a plentiful supply of cat treats, gourmet cat food, litter trays, and cosy warm places to sleep. If they’re evolved – well, they’ll have high-tech versions, including robotic petters. Human beings would definitely be redundant, and dogs totally extinct. 😛

9) Zombie cats superheroes. How would that work?

DON’T GIVE ME MORE PLOT BUNNIES!!

10) What’s for dinner?

Bacon, eggs, sausages, baked beans, and chips (fries). Not really suitable kitty snacks.

Meankitty’s note: BRING ON THE BACON AND EGGS! I will sniff and lick them and then bat them all over the rug!

Some cool stuff about Pippa’s newest book:

Quickshot_finalBlurb:

Sal, a legal carrier (just about) of whatever comes her way, puts her trust in just two things: her guns.

Keeping out from under Imperium eyes—especially those belonging to a certain Ehi Wahu—while making a living, and trying to keep a lover who can tolerate her twitchy trigger fingers, are the extent of her ambitions.

Then a kiss from a passing stranger, and a promise of the biggest score in a long time, tempt her. Devin fulfils more than one need, but he comes with more trouble than one woman can handle. And this time it’ll take more than her guns to save her. She’ll have to trust a man again.

Releasing 31st March. Pre-order at Amazon for $0.99 or read for free via Kindle Unlimited http://mybook.to/Quickshot

Sincerely

Meankitty & Jody W.

www.meankitty.com * www.jodywallace.com

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Monica McCabe Hates Sneaky

In my “What Scares You?” interview series, I dragged author Monica McCabe into the mix even though she says she doesn’t love horror movies. They give poor Monica nightmares! It’s a good thing Dreamwalkers are completely fictional because I think Monica’s brain would create a lot of frightening wraiths for the Somnium to deal with!

diamonleg1) What are the scariest movies, TV and books you can think of?

A: I tend to avoid truly scary stuff because I like to sleep at night. That said, I did see a couple movies when I was younger that scared me so bad I’m still not over it.

  • 1) A movie called ‘Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark’. It was about a couple who bought an old Victorian mansion and remodeled. But creepy creatures lived in the walls and they got out when they pried open a sealed coal chute. Spoiler: They GOT HER in the end. **shivers** To this day, I refuse to leave closet doors open and hate that dark void under the bed.
  • 2) An uber scary episode of the Twilight Zone. A woman bought a tribal doll on a trip to Africa. It had spiked teeth, an evil sneer, and a razor sharp spear. Also had a note that said not to ever let the necklace fall off. Of course it did, the little horror came to life, and despite every attempt to kill it (lock it in a suitcase, fry it in the oven), the thing GOT HER in the end.

2) What monsters do you think your brain would create or has created in your books?

A: Probably creepy little Gollum creatures that live in the basement or attic. They have sharp teeth and a thirst for blood. Oh no…is it getting dark outside?

DREAMWALKERSALE3

3) What kind of dreamwalker hero or heroine do you think would be required to dispatch your nightmares? (Romance optional!)

A: One with serious Ninja skills. Or maybe the ability to generate high-intensity flame, be it X-Men style or with a handy fire blasting rocket launcher. Fry the horrors into crispy critters!

4) Bonus question: What pop culture monsters do you think the dreamwalkers have the most trouble killing?

A: Anything sneaky. I hate sneaky. Or the kind of monster that can regenerate. You think they are dead, but in reality they are coming back. Stronger, eviler, and pissed off. But especially…the kind that GET YOU in the end.

***

Aren’t you glad we GOT MONICA to answer the interview questions?? For more dream-created monsters, check out TANGIBLE & DISCIPLE, now on super sale.

Jody Wallace

Smart. Snarky. Seductive. And that’s just the books.

http://www.jodywallace.com * http://www.meankitty.com

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Save Me, Wolverine!

Yesterday we found out that DB Sieders is scared of clowns. Today we’re going to find out that author Kolin Mofield thinks Hugh Jackman would make a good dreamwalker.

1) What are the scariest movies, TV and books you can think of?

Misery by Stephen King, Cujo by Stephen King, well, most books by Stephen King. Thinner, The Night Shift, and the worst for me, “It”.

The Conjuring was a little scary for me, thinking that it really happened. Although I am not easily scared, I would be scared to be in one of the episodes of Supernatural.

2) What monsters do you think your brain would create or has created in your books?

I once dreamed of a rabid tiger that I could read telepathically. Monsters who live in gold mines, caves and underground lakes. Of course the real-life serial killers often seep in and give me story ideas. Being covered in live maggots is also a terrible dream.

3) What kind of dreamwalker hero or heroine do you think would be required to dispatch your nightmares? (Romance optional!)

The guy who plays Wolverine. 😀

(I don’t have the rights to any Wolverine photos, but look at these claws!)

Basil

4) Bonus question: What pop culture monsters do you think the dreamwalkers have the most trouble killing?

shapeshifters

***

Oooooh, this gives me some ideas! And remember — the books at a delightfully reduced price until February 5 are Tangible and Disciple.

Jody Wallace

Smart. Snarky. Seductive. And that’s just the books.

http://www.jodywallace.com * http://www.meankitty.com

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DB Sieders Is Scared Of Clowns

As part of my excitement that my urban fantasies are at an all-time low price of only 99 cents (Tangible) and 1.99 (Disciple), I’ve been nagging author friends about what they find scary. The premise of Dreamwalkers is that certain human brains make nightmares that can come to life and eat people. The secret organization that exists to fight the monsters and train the dreamers is called the Somnium. Oftentimes these nightmares take the shape of popular culture creations, but sometimes there are classics.

So today I asked DB Sieders

1) What are the scariest movies, TV and books you can think of?

Stephen King is a master, and I can think of a half-dozen short stories that have kept me up at night (his Nightshift anthology comes to mind). Hannibal Lecter is super scary. Thomas Harris’s most famous villain was masterfully written, and Anthony Hopkins brought him to life in the most disturbing and terrifying way in the film adaptations of The Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal. For television, Outlander fan that I am, I’d have to go with episodes featuring Black Jack Randall. The final two episodes of Season 1 were truly gut wrenching, but the scene in “The Garrison Commander” episode in which actor Tobias Menzies delivers a chilling account of BJR flogging Jamie Fraser within an inch of his life, describing his scarred and bloody back as “the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen,” chilled me to the bone.

2) What monsters do you think your brain would create or has created in your books? (Caveat: real world human monsters don’t tend to get created, just things like vampires and mega spiders, and the size of the monster tends to be between 3-12 feet. If your nightmare is more of an “event”, like falling or appearing in public naked, I bet there’s a monster that represents that kind of horror!)

I hate clowns, so I’m guessing my brain would conjure something like that. The clown (Pennywise/It) from Stephen King’s It comes to mind – go ahead and throw in that creepy clown from Poltergeist that attacks the little brother. Total nightmare material!

LLAs far as my own books, I’ve conjured a handsome/charming yet scary-as-hell Grim Reaper, elemental shapeshifters that can transform into fearsome water dragons and horrendous flying monsters resembling wasps, and a couple of really psycho ‘mean girl’ types.

3) What kind of dreamwalker hero or heroine do you think would be required to dispatch your nightmares? (Romance optional!)

You know, I think I’d want someone like professor Lupin from Harry Potter. Laughter is the best medicine, so if you can find a way to laugh in the face of your fears, you’d stand a pretty good chance of defeating them. So whip out the wand and cry, “Riddikulus!” to banish those awful clowns, shapeshifter, and mean girls!

4) Bonus question: What pop culture monsters do you think the dreamwalkers have the most trouble killing?

Soap Opera villains! They ALWAYS come back 😉

Check back soon for more scary interviews!

Jody Wallace

Smart. Snarky. Seductive. And that’s just the books.

http://www.jodywallace.com * http://www.meankitty.com

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The Odor Strikes Back

Tragic news.

The $$ detail guy, despite spending 4 hours cleansing my mom’s car in an attempt to remove the stench of mousey death, failed at his appointed task. Don’t get me wrong — the car is spit shine clean inside. If our odiferous issue had been mere French fries…baby vomit…spilled beverages…years of life…I think this guy could have taken it down.

But he was not up to the carrion challenge.

At first, I thought he’d succeeded. The car smelled like plain old air. Normal! But then I turned on the a/c and the piquant combo of deceased, moldering rat and cheap man perfume blasted out of the vents again. I stumbled back, choking, crying, cursing, shaking my fist. No, wait. That was back during babies in diapers phase. What I did was slam the door and sigh deeply, in true Eeyorean fashion.

I am disappoint.

Next stop, a mechanic, to take the damned thing apart until he finds the dead bodies.

Also, because it is new release week, allow me to share this great interview I did with Veronica Scott about TRAITOR! No bad smells were mentioned.

Oliver is SHOCKED at how bad the car smells.
Oliver is SHOCKED at how bad the car smells.

Jody Wallace & Meankitty (who doesn’t give a crap about the car)

Smart. Snarky. Seductive. And that’s just the books.

http://www.jodywallace.com * http://www.meankitty.com

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TRAITOR Blog Tour Signups

Please?

Please can I come hang out with you?

I’m doing a celebratory blog tour for the release of TRAITOR and I’d love for you to be a part of it. You can sign up (I think) via the official blog tour company at http://bewitchingbooktours.blogspot.com/2015/07/now-scheduling-two-week-tour-for.html

Or you can just sign up with me, and we’ll figure out what hijinks I will pull on which day at your blog.

I do have some reviewer ARCs available and am willing to share interviews, guest blogs, personalized memes, excerpts, cattifications, cattified excerpts, giveaways of the first book in the series or crocheted items, recipes, jokes, dance steps, artwork, and dream interpretations.

Your choice! Just email me. Dates are, hm, about July 28 through August 11 or so.

Jody W & Meankitty

Gratuitous cat pic

gilbert

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Meankitty Wants to Know: Kate Willoughby

MochialertThis human author type, Kate Willoughby, has a dog that’s pretty catlike, I must say. Small enough for me and Big D to take out if it tried to creep into our territory. I like that in a dog. My human saw these pictures, and she was all, “Awwwwww!” so I had to scratch her to remind her who is boss in this house. The Willoughby author writes books about humans who take off their clothes a lot and do that thing I don’t care about because I’m fixed. I’ve asked the dog, Mochi, what it’s like to live in the Willoughby household.

1) So, your human writes books. Are they (a) full of praise and hyped up lies about dogs; or (b) do they contain interesting stories? If A, interview is over. If B, you may continue.

1. My human has written one book that had three dogs in it, A Wolf at her Door. (Link: http://amzn.to/MxDHic)  One of them, Rocky, was a Chihuahua like me, and he was my favorite character. The dogs played a crucial role in the story since they all defended the heroine when she was chased by coyotes. I personally would never take on a coyote, but she writes fiction. I don’t think humans would do half the stuff she makes them do in her books. I suppose the stories are interesting, despite the lack of cats and dogs. The one with the dogs won an Eppie, though.

2) If writers are supposed to be so smart, why does your writer have a dog instead of a cat when it’s common knowledge cats are better? Does that mean your writer isn’t very smart?

2. My human had a cat when she was younger. That black and white cat was precious to her and lived to the ripe age of fifteen. Tonto was a good mother, a skilled hunter, and champion purrer. My human was very sad when Tonto disappeared and suspected that her beloved pet knew the end was near and went off to expire with dignity and privacy. These days, my human is older and weighs more than a human her height should. She needed a pet to help motivate her to exercise. Enter me! We go on walks all the time. Adopting a cat wasn’t going to help her in that way.

{Meankitty’s note: Here’s a cheery grey and white cat that would like to live with Willoughby and Mochi ANYWAY and could probably find a way to make Willoughby increase her activity level by running amuck, going into other rooms and howling as if in pain, kakking on the opposite side of the house, escaping out the door and making a break for it, etc.}

Bandits_Smile

3) So why did your human end up a writer instead of a animal sanctuary owner or something like that?

3. My human loves to read. She is often reading more than one book at a time. She also loves to write, one of the main reasons why she needs that exercise. Her butt is in the chair for many hours everyday.

4) Does being a writer mean your human is home all day and easy to access? What is her day like?

4. My human leaves the house regularly for a job. When she comes home she smells strongly of coffee. She and one of her male pups work for a place called Starbucks. She brought me there once to show me off to her co-workers. Unfortunately there was no food on the floor for me to eat.

5) As a dog, you’re probably not devious or fascinating, but on the off-chance you do have feline traits, what are your techniques for distracting your human during crucial writing moments?

5. I am often in need of petting, so I have been known to rise up and plant my front paws on her leg. She’s pretty smart and knows that means I need to go outside or be picked up. As for distractions, she doesn’t need me for that. She has something called Twitter and Candy Crush Saga that do the job far better than I could.

6) What indignities and neglect have you suffered because of your human’s writing career (besides the absence of a cat to properly rule the house)?

6. To tell the truth, I live a pretty good life. I did some time in the animal shelter. I don’t really remember how long I was caged up because I try to block it out, but I do remember it was a cold, heartless place filled with despair. Living with my human is like a dream come true.

mochiblanket7) We’ve established your human doesn’t write stories full of hyped up lies about dogs. Tell me about the felines in your human’s fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play?

7. No comment. (Please don’t scratch me. It’s not my fault.)

8) When your human gets together with other writers, do they spend half their time sniffing each other’s butts like dogs do?

8. I’ve never actually witnessed my human with other writers except for this one time she met with her critique partner, Dee J. Adams. Dee J. has two dogs, so I’m afraid I spent all my time sniffing their butts and vice versa and I can’t answer your question.

9) Tell us, from a dog’s POV, about your human’s most recent publication.

9. My human is writing a bunch of books about hockey players. It’s not surprising. She’s watching hockey on TV all the time. I’m not exaggerating. We have a very large HD TV and she turns the sound up real loud. She yells. She leaps up and cheers. She curses. She gets so excited, sometimes I think hockey is the human equivalent of going on a walk. Last night, there was a big kerfuffle because a human who is a retired hockey player agreed to be her hockey consultant. Personally, I’m hoping she takes me along when she goes to tour the Los Angeles Kings practice facility because there have got to be some outstanding smells there to smell, especially in the locker room and the workout area.

Anyway, the first hockey book is silly if you ask me. It’s about a hockey player who punches someone. A female human is standing in line so the player can write his name on a hat (which is a completely useless exercise, if you ask me), and some other human in the line gets mad at her and pushes her to the ground and the hockey human doesn’t like that and punches him. I guess maybe the hockey human got a whiff of the female and wanted her to be a member of his pack and not a member of that other human’s pack.

10) What is your human’s next project (bonus points if you answer: getting a cat)?

10. My human’s next project is another book about another hockey human. This book should be more interesting because there is a lot of food mentioned and described in it. I love human food. The female human in it is a chef. My human wants to cook some of the recipes in the book, like tamale soup. If I’m good, I may get a little tidbit tossed my way.

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Meankitty and the Human Typist

www.meankitty.com  * www.jodywallace.com

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