Crochet Peen: Shaft

shaftandfriendsShaft is a handsome, multicolored peen owned by author Laura Curtis. Find out more about him!

1) WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

Shaft. (Sing the theme song, baby!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFvRvSxsW-I2)

2) IS THERE A STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?

“Who’s the black private dick that’s a sex machine with all the chicks? Shaft!” What more do you need as a story behind my name? I am currently in disguise as multi-colored, but that’s because I have blue balls.

3) PHYSICAL STATS (height, girth, etc):

Height: 8.5”
Girth: 5.5”

4) WHAT IS YOUR OUTER TEXTURE?

I am rough but smooth….

5) WHAT IS YOUR COLOR?

Pink head, duotone purple body, blue balls.

6) ARE YOUR STABILIZERS SOFT, HARD, LUMPY, ETC?

Firm, just as they should be.

PERSONALITY STATS:

7) WHAT IS YOUR SIGN?

I am a Scorpio. I like to be around people and be happy. I was born in November.

8) WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?

I have lots of friends, but Yoda is my best friend. Don’t tell Buddy Christ or Bender, okay?

9) WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE PASTIMES?

Investigating holes. Holes in people’s stories. Holes in the wall. Holes in…well, let’s leave it at that.

10) DO YOU HAVE ANY STRONG DISLIKES?

I dislike mold, mildew, and things that smell bad.

11) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG / TV SHOW / MOVIE?

Well, as you might expect, I like Shaft and the theme from Shaft. But really, I like all cop programs. And South Park.

12) WHAT IS YOUR FONDEST FANTASY OR DREAM?

My fantasy is that one day there will be no anger or violence or pain in the world. Just sweet, sweet love!

***

Find out more about Mr. Pinky and Friends at www.crochetpeen.com

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Hedgie Wants To Hang Out

Only 1 or 2 more days left for my urban fantasies to be on sale! You can get all the buy links here http://bit.ly/1Ssjt9i but what I really want to talk to you about are the hedgehog earrings I said I’d give away to newsletter subscribers.

Y’all?

Witness.

hedgiesblueAre these the cutest, googly eyed little things you’ve EVER seen or what? I used cotton crochet thread, black glass beads for the nose, and silver findings. I also used some STIFFY to help them keep their shape. Man, they turned out so very well. Would you like a pair?

 

Here’s what they look like on:

hedgieEAR1
They are definitely big enough to garner some attention but lightweight. They won’t drag your lobes down at all. And I didn’t just make blue ones. I made brown ones!

hedgiesquarter
The brown ones are shaped a little differently, yeah, a little pokier, and they needed extra STIFFY to keep their spines from curling. But variety is the spice of life and your earring collection, am I right?

All you have to do to win these earrings for your own is be a member of my newsletter subscribers when I draw the lucky name here in a few days.

These brown hedgehogs have a bit of an attitude, though. Don’t you think? Or something.

hedgiebrown
He might be looking at you that way because he wants to come live at your house! But it might be…

HEY STOP THAT BROWN HEDGIE!

hedgiesex
And that, friends, is how you get MORE hedgie earrings.

But seriously. Your time’s almost up!

Jody W. & Meankitty

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Things You Ought Not Do

Do you ever want to do something and you know you shouldn’t, because you tend to get carried away and besides it’s not very appropriate, and other, similar projects that you’ve jumped into haven’t really produced fruit or worldwide fame, but you really want to do this project?

Yeah.  http://crochetpeen.tumblr.com/

penisremoteI’m starting a new project. It’s a Tumblr that will feature Mr. Pinky, the crocheted peen, and his buddies. I’ll need guest photographers, so feel free to send in an application! Guest photographers will receive (1) free crocheted peen in exchange for providing photos for the blog, sometimes with certain specifications. There’s only so many photos I personally can take! Besides, I know you want your own peen.

Jody W. & Meankitty

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That Crafty Meankitty…

Anyway.

I opened an Etsy store, you guys, for things I hook, since I can’t hog them ALL to myself!

Meankitty helps me crochet, so I try to warn all shoppers that this is not a pet-free household. I hope that doesn’t put too many people off.

makingbookmarks

See what I mean?

The link is https://www.etsy.com/shop/CraftyMeanKitty

No peens in the store yet, but I am eventually going to have a section for earrings, and a section for “Inappropriate Items” hehehe.

Jody Wallace & Meankitty
Author, Cat Person, Amigurumist of the Apocalypse
http://www.jodywallace.com * http://www.meankitty.com

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Beta Testers Get Peens!

Now that I’m closer to the publication of the first volumes of the Interactive Adventures of Mari Shu (Earthbound Passion, Martian Conquest), I’m in need of a few hardy beta reader tester types. The novella-length volumes are organized with clickable links at the end of each segment where readers pick a plot path, like the old choose your own adventure game books. I’m hopeful that my ebook formatting is functional and my typos are limited, but I’d love to get some second opinions!

I will crochet one of these for willing victims, if desired:

penisremote

Folks unimpressed by Mr. Pinkie can make other requests.

Contact me about participating! I have 8 volumes currently planned in the series, but you can earn a peen by beta reading just one. Which is not to say that each testing of each subsequent volume will earn you another peen, but we’ll discuss payment if anyone actually agrees to read more, heh.

Note: Peens can be made to various specifications.

Jody W.

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What’s That, Mom? A Pink Alien?

Nope, honey, it’s a crocheted penis. Because reasons.

penislotion
Next time, get me the coconut scent. This smells so…medicinal.
penispillow
Coming to bed soon, sweetness?
penisremote
What do you mean we don’t get any porn channels??

What are those reasons? Basically I blame Twitter.

Some of the unique things about Mr. Pinkie: he’s 1/3 full of rocks in the bottom, in order to weight him down enough that he’ll stand up straight. He’s 5.25 inches from base to tip. It’s really smart to add the snap-on eyes BEFORE crocheting the entire shaft. DH did not appreciate finding him cuddled into his pillow at bedtime.

Pattern I mostly used: http://www.theanticraft.com/archive/imbolc07/beanis.htm  

I know, I should have stuck with earrings, right?

Jody Wallace

Author, Cat Person, Amigurumist of the Apocalypse

http://www.jodywallace.com * http://www.meankitty.com

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