Blurb/Counterblurb: Frustration

After a long, sad hiatus, welcome to today’s edition of Blurb/Counterblurb featuring Kimberly Nash and a delicious Harlequin Presents!

frustrationMaria’s frustrated…

Everyone else has a guardian angel on their shoulder – I get a cheap-ass Dutch souvenir doll. Why a Dutch doll? I’m Italian, dammit!!

And now she’s getting in between me and my new amore, Stefano. He’s hot, he’s got a full head of hair, and has a kick-ass Swiss watch… and she still doesn’t approve? She has no taste in fashion OR men, and she thinks she can guide me?

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Anna’s frustrated…

Other angels get easy gigs guarding kids, wearing gorgeous filmy robes… I get the Jersey Shore mafia princess and a Dutch bonnet. I should complain to the angel PTBs.

Honestly, she’s a jerk magnet, and she can’t see past the surface of this guy. He’s trouble. Real trouble. I mean, the man has a watch that could tase an elephant at 50 paces – why is it so close to her ear? And why is he macking on her in a blood-coloured room? I think I should be worried…

And Stefano is frustrated…and kind of freaked out!

Why am I seeing this creepy maledetta doll everywhere? And I think my watch is broken… cazzo!

Can this trio work out their frustration so everyone’s happy?

***

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But seriously. Here’s the back cover:

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Blurb/Counterblurb: Tuesday’s Jillaroo

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By Darcy Flynn

Shirley Template has always hated her curly hair. Suffering snickering taunts by her golden, straight-haired siblings, enduring hushed conversations from aunts and uncles at family reunions slowly, but surely, took its hair-raising toll, until the final blow when she overheard her mother confess to her aunt that she was adopted. Oh, the years of hair straightening products and harsh chemical applications and for what? Losing all hope of ever having corn-silk tresses, Shirley sets out to find the real purpose for her corkscrew curls.

Australian Hereford Cattle Baron, Herb Ford, has had it with the incompetent young men hired to help with the annual Hereford cattle drive. The straight–haired dandies only ever thought of one thing…sheep. On the brink of losing his family station, he realizes he needs the intervention of the curly locks of a Jillaroo Hereford Cattle Whisperer! Aborigine folklore believed the only person qualified to guide the Herefords across the deserts of Australia had to come from the Jillaroo Whisperer line.

When Herb meets spunky Shirley Template and sees her adorable tightly woven curls, his heart skips a beat. Could the legend be true? Can this mesmerizing “curly locks” keep his cattle business from failing?

5 Stars – Australian Progressive Cattle Magazine “…a must read for anyone who raises Herefords.”

4 Stars – Aussy Cattle Times “You’ll love the bantering wit and the down under slang between Herb and Shirley…”

5 Stars – Raising Cattle in your Backyard “A must read for every cow lover.”

ACTUAL BACK COVER

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Blurb/Counterblurb: The Devil’s Arms

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By Isabella Norse (http://isabellanorse.com/)
Note: Ms. Norse claims to “love writing blurbs” so contact her if you want help. She did not say she “loved writing synopses”, though.

Victoria Nesbitt loved a man in an apron – every chance she got. The butcher. The baker. The candlestick maker. But none of them could erase her memories of Devin Diablo, the artist that stole her heart, but wanted her soul.

Tall, dark, and demonic, Devin Diablo’s paintings of Victoria’s big breasts gave him his big break as an artist. Now, surrounded by art groupies, he could have any woman that he wanted, so why did he long for the one that he couldn’t have?

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Their worlds collide when Devin’s newest show arrives at Victoria’s gallery. Will Victoria be able to cut the apron strings once and for all or can she finally find love in the devil’s arms?

ACTUAL BACK COVER:

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Blurb/Counterblurb: The Cruel Flame

cruelflameBy Petra Grayson (http://theoryoflietofine.blogspot.com/)

She’s done everything she can to hide the secret that she is the nephew’s, girlfriend’s, sister’s former roommate to the missing Princess Anastasia and her jewelry is a cheap knockoff, but the red sun is an omen that her days are numbered. When her new hair stylist dyes her hair the same color as the sky, she knows it’s time to confess her sins, but then she meets the man of her dreams.

For his part, Dimitri Karmikova is trying to turn over a new leaf: settle down, start a family and enjoy his middle part. But as a former international thief, finding a girl who can understand the need for treasures to compensate for his lack of virility has been a crushing burden. He falls fast and hard for Alexandra and her extravagant jewelry. But when she finds evidence that he’s been spanking his teeny monkey in his car, she suspects the cruelty of love misplaced and feels guilty for allowing Dimitri into the inner sanctum of her decolletage. She flees to the sanctuary of her family’s basilica before he can uncover her dark secret.

When Dimitri comes after her, all bets are off. He’s ready to fight for her love, and the only way to do that is to prove once and for all that he’s capable of orgasming when she wears gold-plated costume jewelry. He’s not some culture snob who can only get it up for pure gold, even if he’s never managed it before.

It would be his biggest heist yet, but it’s the only way to satisfy…the cruel flame.

ACTUAL BACK COVER:

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Blurb/Counterblurb: Love is a Frenzy

lovefrenzyBy Eleri Stone (http://eleristone.com/)

John Smith thought Lila would make an excellent companion until she stole his sonic screwdriver and broke both his hearts. Now, using only his wits, a flair for fashion, and a mysterious blue box, he chases her through time and space, desperate to stop her before she unlocks the secrets of the rare and dangerous technology.

Lila Love is a Frenzy, a feisty red-headed alien with an unrepentant love of disco and bubblegum lip gloss. Unless she finds a way to disable the doomsday device threatening the lives of her fun-loving people, her planet will be utterly destroyed. Yes, she took the screwdriver, but she left behind her favorite necklace as payment so in her eyes they’re even. Besides, her need is far greater than John’s!

The clock is ticking. Will Lila discover how to use the screwdriver before all is lost? Will John ever be able to forgive her betrayal? Why are there palm trees on her shirt? Find out more in…Love is a Frenzy.

REAL BACK COVER COPY:

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Blurb/Counterblurb: Loving

lovingBy Laura Curtis (http://www.laurakcurtis.com/)

The sins of the daughters…

After Brad’s wife dies, his daughter Kate can’t seem to stay out of trouble. The accusations that she’s been engaging in lewd behavior with the other girls at her Catholic school are the final straw—he quits his job in the big city and moves them both to the small town of Virgin Falls.

Jenny has been ostracized in Virgin Falls most of her life. A grade school teacher, she is famous for having had a child out of wedlock. But she can’t leave her ailing mother, so she stays, enduring the ridicule of the townspeople and assuming she will never find love.

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But Brad doesn’t care about Jenny’s past. And their daughters get along well together. Within months, they have announced their engagement and are looking forward to a life together. But strange occurrences haunt them, threatening to cut their family tree off at the roots. No sooner did they move in together than strange, snakelike creatures find their way into the girls’ bedrooms. They start small, but soon an entire, twisted colony of evil is forcing its way through their home.

For the kind of loving their daughters share is forbidden by the standards of Virgin Falls…and the 1970s fashions it embraces.

ACTUAL BACK COVER:

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Blurb/Counterblurb: Don’t Walk Alone

Don't Walk AloneBy Nicole Luiken (http://nicoleluiken.com/)

Librarian Jane Friday is contented with her life. She has a nice apartment, a good job and a cat [okay, I’m throwing in a sop to Mean Kitty]. But when she begins to get threatening phone calls and someone stalks her from the shadows, she begins to realize how lonely she is.

When the police pooh-pooh her worries, she turns to city councilman Marcus Richland for help. His fierce protective instinct aroused, Marcus insists that she move into his mansion. When gossipmongers threaten Jane’s job, they announce an engagement. One that will end once the stalker is caught. But by then Jane fears very much that her heart will by forever snared by the handsome councilman. How will she be able to go back to her lonely apartment?

ACTUAL BACK COVER COPY:

Life ahead for Joanna seemed predictable. She would marry Gareth Armstrong as soon as Gareth had the approval of his redoubtable parents. Then Cameron Blackford, the famous archaeologist arrived on a dig, and turned Joanna’s heart-not to mention the local abbey-upside down.

 

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Blurb/Counterblurb: Deep Furrows

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By Kimberly Nash (https://twitter.com/cayenne9T1)

Gabriella de Vere was worried – and it was starting to show. Living in her peaceful village, under the shadow of the church steeple, her life was supposed to be quiet, undisturbed. So why was she so unsettled?

Could it be that time had passed her by? That the happy, flippy haircut she’d had since she was fifteen was…passé? No, it couldn’t be…even if her greying roots hinted otherwise. So what was she to do?

Enter Jasper van der Dong. The glamourous celebrity hairstylist to the stars cruelly forced her to face the truth – and to get rid of her outdated mock turtlenecks. But could he erase the deep furrows from her brow…with bangs?

ACTUAL BACK COVER:

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Blurb/Counterblurb: Come Next Spring

Come the SpringBy Petra Grayson (http://theoryoflietofine.blogspot.com/)

The wedding was set, the bride and groom were happy to contemplatively stare into the mid-distance, but secrets abound in the forest of their love. Farrah may thinks she’s hiding her budding artistic talent, but we all know there’s more going on than just painting on the prairie. Come next spring, Farrah will need to explain more than just her dirty fingernails.

She was supposed to be saving herself for the wedding day, because that’s the kind of innocent girl she is, but a chance encounter with the neighbor’s sacred bull (see the halo?) leaves her reeling and longing for more. If only she could have convinced him to use the other hole, there wouldn’t be any need for explanations. Even so, she will paint everyday if it means more time with her first lover, Angus.

When Ryan discovers her secret, will he be able to keep his cool facade? Will running away to the forest help or will Angus find a way to get his love back? Can Ryan share? What is that strange moo’ing from the cradle? Will Farrah find peace in her painting and with her stoically less-well-hung husband or will she be mounted for all time? All this and more in the exciting tale of “Come Next Spring”.

ACTUAL BACK COVER:

Could she possibly make Luke forget?

Debra Seton hadn’t expected to find the man of her dreams in the interior of British Columbia. But Luke Watson–a handsome, widowed rancher and son of her mother’s best friend–presented a challenge.

Though neighbor Stella Trent was obviously in the running, her real rival, Debra believed, was Luke’s dead wife, Rosena. When she learned the truth about that brief marriage, however, Debra knew that only Luke could remove the dangerous threat to their future happiness…

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Blurb/Counterblurb

My latest blog idea was inspired after I organized 1500 Harlequins in my Mom’s shed from when she subscribed during the 70s-80s. It was an effort of love because I love Harlequins. My first romance read was THE SHIEK’S CAPTIVE by Violet Winspear, and I can remember it better than nearly every book I’ve read as an adult outside the books I read 100x to my kids.

But after going through these books, I have to say — things have changed a bit in the romance publishing world since the 70s, haven’t they? I don’t just mean the transition from bodice rippers and sweets to today’s industry that stretches from BDSM romance to inspirationals to historicals to all the things. No, what I’m talking about are the titles and covers.

For one thing, many of the older titles just aren’t as specific as The Pregnant Virgin’s Billionaire Boss’s Baby’s Best Friend, or whatever combination the marketing department chooses to let readers know, “This is the trope you’re looking for.”

For another thing, there just weren’t a lot of headless, naked tattooed people on older covers. By “a lot” I mean “any”.

Anyway, I decided it would be hilarious fun (for me) to challenge some of today’s romance authors and readers to blurb some of these less trope-specific covers and titles. What does the author, without peeking on Goodreads, think is on the back of that book?

Some of their answers may surprise you.

If you, too, would like to participate, just email me!

Jody Wallace

Author, Cat Person, Amigurumist of the Apocalypse

http://www.jodywallace.com * http://www.meankitty.com

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