The human wrote a book set in some hot, sandy place called Magic, New Mexico, and apparently so did a bunch of other authors. I can’t decide if a giant sandbox is cat heaven or dirty fur waiting to happen. Either way, I thought I’d interview a few of these humans and find out whether they’ve properly cattified their offerings.
1) So you’ve written a book set in SE Smith’s wacky world of Magic, New Mexico. How many cats are in it?
–I’m so sorry to say there are ZERO cats in TOUCH OF BEAUTY.
2) If there are no cats in it, please explain how cats would probably have made the book better (hint: they definitely would have made the book better). If there are cats how would MORE cats have made the book EVEN BETTER?
–Obviously I should have remembered to put a cat in. I’ll speak to my own cat about bothering me more when I’m typing to remind me that a cat is a necessary character in the book. She must have been sleeping on the job.
3) Are there cats in any of your other books?
–No, and now that you mention it, that’s weird. I’ve had cats all my life, so why haven’t I put any in my books?
4) How about books by other authors with cats? Got any favorites?
–I love the Rita Mae Brown mysteries with Sneaky Pie. Always good to have a cat mixed in with your mystery.
5) If you personally could shift into a cat, please tell us how you would utilize this power?
–Since cats can obviously teleport, I would use this to surprise people and scare them by showing up when they think I’m not around.
–While my cat, Ivy, is notoriously reluctant to be photographed, she can usually be lured into posing if I put a box out for her to sit in. We call her ‘The Disgruntled One’ because she is never satisfied with our performance as cat caretakers. Luckily, she saw this interview as all about her, so she posed for the camera—this time.
Ok, so TOUCH OF BEAUTY gets a score of ZERO for cat-quality, and I should note that my human’s book SILVER BOUND also gets a ZERO. Why do these humans think they’re going to have ANY sales at all if they won’t put cats in their books? It boggles the mind.
Looks like we’re going to have to interview some more authors to find one who satisfies my criteria. If I find out these people have put DOGS but never cats, there’s going to be a sandbox incident of nightmarish proportions.