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Cat Night Revisited

Pink Thing has gotten new furniture that suits her big girl and soon to be big sister status, and Big D and myself are right fond of the bed and the fuzzy blanket the slaves put on it. So we’ve been sleeping with Pink Thing at night, or getting on the bed, which is a mixup of our nightly routine but hey, we’re cats, we can’t be consistent or the slaves would start to relax!

Overheard conversation between Pink Thing and Typing Slave at lunch today:

“Last night Meankitty was being a booger, but D-boy was fine.”

“What did Meankitty do?”

“She scratched the bed, scratched the mirror–just everything. I called Daddy [at 4 a.m.] to come get that cat out of my room! I like D-boy better.”

MK’s note: The nighttime crying out from Pink Thing interrupted the slaves’ sound sleep in a new and delightful way! Me likee.

Night, With Cat

10:00 pm: Typing Slave checks cats; Big D cuddled on couch, Meankitty on foot of slave bed. Goes to bed. Does not shut bedroom door, since Pink Thing might wake up in the night and get scared.

10:06 pm: Meankitty waits until Typing Slave gets settled with a book (not easy when you’re many months with child) and ambles up to the top of the bed, where she attacks TS for lovin’. TS unable to resist purring cat. Readjusts. Pets.

10:08 pm: Meankitty done with homage from TS. Now noses in Foodslave’s ears and face. Foodslave rolls over and puts face in pillow.

10:10 pm: Meankitty gets on wide headboard of slave bed and walks back and forth, knocking stuff onto the bed.

10:12 pm: Foodslave tosses Meankitty to floor. TS gets up to pee. Meankitty follows her into bathroom to watch.

10:14 pm: TS laboriously returns to bed, gets adjusted with book. Meankitty jumps onto foot of bed during the process and curls up where TS wants to put her feet. TS adjusts.

11:23 pm: TS puts down book, turns out the light.

12:01 am: D wakes MK for their first nightly romp. Bells on collars not loud enough to wake slaves, so Big D adds neck biting action into the adventure. Meankitty’s snarls wake Typing Slave and Foodslave, who get up and pee.

2:13 am: Meankitty climbs onto headboard of bed and starts licking plastic cellophane around magazine in stack of slave reading material.

2:16 am: Foodslave tosses Meankitty out of room, closes door.

2:58 am: Pink Thing wakes, wanders through house, cries at closed door. Foodslave gets PT drink of water and returns her to her own bed. Typing Slave gets up to pee. Foodslave does not shut bedroom door.

4:11 am: Meankitty goes into slave room and starts scratching the metal garbage can next to Typing Slave’s side of the bed. Just scratching it. Loudly. No reason.

4:13 am: Typing Slave tosses Meankitty out of room, closes door, pees.

5:01 am: Foodslave maybe hears a noise, maybe doesn’t. Wakes up hungry. Wanders into kitchen and drinks some milk. Returns to bed. Forgets to shut door.

5:31 am: Meankitty takes Big D into slave room where they jointly rattle the blinds.

5:39 am: Foodslave tosses cats out of room, shuts door. Meankitty scratches on door for a while, then gets bored.

6:10 am: Alarm goes off. Meankitty begins scratching on door again. Foodslave hits snooze.

6:17 am: Alarm goes off again. Meankitty still scratching on door. Typing Slave gets up and pees; Foodslave begins morning ablutions, which include cleaning the catbox prior to showering. Big D muscles his way into catbox during the scooping process for a good stinky dump.

6:33 am: Typing Slave in bed, trying to go back to sleep. Foodslave returns to bedroom to shower in master bath. Closes bedroom door. Meankitty locked in bedroom; scratches on inside of door.

6:36 am: Typing Slave opens bedroom door. Returns to bed. Gets comfortable. Hopes for another hour before Pink Thing wakes.

6:39 am: Meankitty starts scratching on closed bathroom door, in bedroom.

6:43 am: Typing Slave opens bathroom door. Big D and Meankitty go into bathroom and get on the counter. Startle Foodslave when he gets out of shower.

7:00 am: Foodslave preparing breakfast. Meankitty and Big D indulge in a loud romp. This wakes Pink Thing, a bit too early, ensuring she will be grumpy the rest of the day. Pink Thing gets in bed with Typing Slave and starts bugging her.

7:20 am: Typing Slave up and grumpy, Foodslave up and grumpy, Pink Thing up and grumpy. Meankitty and Big D? Asleep on slave bed for the next several hours. Plumb tuckered out.

Looooooove Cats!

In honor of Valentine’s Day, my freaky Typing Slave wasted a bunch of time she could have spent writing or cleaning house or brushing my beautiful silky coat and posted a bunch of embarrassing photos of meankitties in loooooooove. (No, it’s not pervy, get your mind outta the gutter.)

To visit go to http://www.meankitty.com/lovecats.htm

There may or may not be an extra special somewhat hidden link to a page featuring individuals in my household, but I ain’t sayin.

Sincerely,

MK

Site Updates, February 11, 2006

Of course we aren’t alerting you until after we updated because there must be a sluggardly aspect in everything we do, but if you visit here instead of the website, we posted 10 new cats. The Typing Slave is dancing a stupid human jig because she’s up to October 2005 in the submissions in her eternal game of catch-up. We’ll be making an announcement soon about a brand new feature page on the site as well in honor of Valentine’s Day!

Here’s a little preview:

Ok, forget the preview, blogspot won’t let me upload any images. I’ll post one later.

MK

Link: Meankitty’s Gallery

Moving With Cats

From a feline friend of Meankitty:

What’s a cat to do? My slave is relocating!! I’m not in favor of this move, but my slave says after the revolution (viva!) I incited in our neighborhood, he’s got to make himself scarce. Though I enjoy my current position, the slave is pretty handy, so I’ve decided I’ll go.

Problem is, the slave has never relocated whilst in my employ and doesn’t know what to do to treat me like the queen I am. I’m not sure what to tell him myself.

So what should we tell this clueless human? Those of you who have moved before, what are your preferences in slave behavior during the move?

Second, there are going to be OTHER animals in the new place. A cat, a rabbit (mmmm!) and two…hold your breath…DOGS. Though they are small dogs and I have some ideas in mind for how to properly handle them. Any words of advice for moving into a new place with new subjects to dominate?

All praise Meankitty for agreeing to solicit opinions on her blog.

Signed,
Snuggles (not my real name)

Typing Slave’s Marbles

Typing Slave is losing her marbles. Which is sort of good, because I like to chase marbles across the floor and knock them under the stove and/or fridge, but it’s sort of bad, because it means she forgets essential things in her caretaking of moi, such as making sure I’m not shut in a closet when she goes to the doctor. The other day she dressed and left her closet door open. Naturally Big D and I went into the closet an attempt to remove most of the clothing from the hangers and spread the joy of our hair all over the items we managed to drag to the floor. Then I found out I could climb the clothes, though once I got to the top, which was not a very sturdy surface, let me assure you, there was nothing else to do and nowhere to jump, so I just jumped on D. Anyway, we had a good time playing in the closet until we realized the door was shut and Typing Slave was no longer in the house.

Lucky for her she wasn’t gone long and I couldn’t work up a good poo, having already done the deed when she was having breakfast to enhance her dining experience. Considerate of me, eh?

As a method of revenge, best served cold, I waited about a week and when she went into the attic, I slipped past her best efforts to prevent me from accompanying her and cavorted in the multitude of boxes, furniture, Christmas trees, and pink insulation. She had to chase me down, which was pretty hilarious to see, because as she was chasing me, Pink Thing opened the door and let Big D into the attic, and then Pink Thing started screaming and chasing Big D, and Typing Slave ended up chasing all 3 of us around!

Good times. I’ll have to try that again soon.

Oh, PS, we posted new cats in the gallery today, http://www.meankitty.com/gallery.htm

MK

Site Updates, January 23

I don’t know if any of you visit here and not my site, but the slave posted new cats in the gallery today. The big question on my mind — is this the Butterscotch who posts in the blog or another Butterscotch? Hard to tell sometimes. We get so many.

http://www.meankitty.com/gallery.htm

Another big question on my mind. The second biggest one, in fact. Why can’t I have that dang lasagna?

MK

Mememe Tag

My Typing Slave got “tagged” by one of her weird slave friends, Trish M, where you’re supposed to answer certain questions on your blog. However, this is *my* blog. I’m so sure I’m gonna let TS put some boring crap on here! So I’ll consider it a tag for moi.

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Well, that would have been during life #1 of my 9 lives, and I was living in a shabby apartment being ignored and mistreated while TS got her totally useless Masters degree. I retaliated by savaging her on a regular basis, even when she was trying to sleep. And this apartment was so lame it had no true doors, so there was no escaping the wrath of khat.

What were you doing one year ago?

Ruling the roost. Scaring stray cats off my porch.

Five snacks you enjoy

Chicken bits, preferably grilled
Tuna in spring water
Plain spaghetti, but only if Pink Thing wasn’t supposed to drop it on the floor and did anyway
Random pieces of catfood I’ve rolled out of the food bowl and chased across the house
Blood sausage

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics

What’s New, Pussycat? by Slave Jones
Livin’ on a Prayer by Slave Jovi
Wanna Be Startin’ Something by Slave Jackson
When Doves Cry by Formerly Known as Slave
Three Blind Mice by Pink Thing

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire

Hire additional humans to attend to my every need.
Host a reality tv show to see which humans can survive in a house with 10 meankitties.
Get a fenced in yard to keep out other cats. Better yet, get a house that is more cat friendly with scratching posts in every room, piles of laundry conveniently placed for napping, very tall things to climb and lurk, and no closets.
Get another house in Florida, also cat friendly, for when there’s not enough sun here.
Import exotic, edible birds to fly around my house and amuse me.

Five bad habits

I have no bad habits. Duh!

Five things you like doing

Eating
Napping
Scratching furniture
Waking up sleeping humans
Walking on the computer keyboard

Five things you would never buy or wear again

Advantage — totally doesn’t work!
A hot pink collar — makes me look fat necked
Crunchy cat treats with a supposedly chewy center. Ick!
Kitten chow — because no more kittens are allowed into my house
Deer antlers

Five favorite toys

Styrofoam bits
Kitchen table
That shabby black catnip mouse
Round pieces of cat chow
Typing Slave’s last nerve

Five people I’m tagging

Any cyber savvy cat who wants to respond. Do it here or on your own blog, but let us know so we can come see!

***

MK

Resolutions

Meankitty’s 2006 Resolutions

1) Gain 2 lbs so when I leap on people I have more heft.
2) Scratch the slaves at least 1/3 of the time when they sneeze. Man, I hate slave sneezes! Hurts my ears.
3) Expand the clawed areas on the kitchen table and junk armoire by half again.
4) In the space of 12 hours, barf on the cream carpet, scratch a slave, knock over a full glass of water, wake the baby (this will have to be in the latter half of the year), wake one of the other slaves, tear a hole in the screen, attack a stray cat (even if it’s through the glass), walk on a computer keyboard, leave a dangleberry on the kitchen counter, climb the clothes in one of the closets, and put all the dry food into the catwater.
5) Perfect my “feed me, you stupid slave” mesmerizing stare so that it works seventy five percent of the time.
6) Get Big D locked outside again, this time long enough to get RID of the fleas.
7) Incite the Typing Slave into cursing in front of Pink Thing at least once a week.
8) Claw holes in at least 1/3 of the comic book boxes stacked neatly upstairs. So far I’ve only done 2 of them, and there are hundreds. Claws, begin!
9) Make the Typing Slave update my website more often. Dang, you’d think a high risk pregnancy was challenging or something.
10) Intice more people to comment on my blog by my insightful commentary and lively revelations. Threats, too.

****

So, cats of the world — what are your resolutions for 2006?

MK