Mememe Tag

My Typing Slave got “tagged” by one of her weird slave friends, Trish M, where you’re supposed to answer certain questions on your blog. However, this is *my* blog. I’m so sure I’m gonna let TS put some boring crap on here! So I’ll consider it a tag for moi.

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Well, that would have been during life #1 of my 9 lives, and I was living in a shabby apartment being ignored and mistreated while TS got her totally useless Masters degree. I retaliated by savaging her on a regular basis, even when she was trying to sleep. And this apartment was so lame it had no true doors, so there was no escaping the wrath of khat.

What were you doing one year ago?

Ruling the roost. Scaring stray cats off my porch.

Five snacks you enjoy

Chicken bits, preferably grilled
Tuna in spring water
Plain spaghetti, but only if Pink Thing wasn’t supposed to drop it on the floor and did anyway
Random pieces of catfood I’ve rolled out of the food bowl and chased across the house
Blood sausage

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics

What’s New, Pussycat? by Slave Jones
Livin’ on a Prayer by Slave Jovi
Wanna Be Startin’ Something by Slave Jackson
When Doves Cry by Formerly Known as Slave
Three Blind Mice by Pink Thing

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire

Hire additional humans to attend to my every need.
Host a reality tv show to see which humans can survive in a house with 10 meankitties.
Get a fenced in yard to keep out other cats. Better yet, get a house that is more cat friendly with scratching posts in every room, piles of laundry conveniently placed for napping, very tall things to climb and lurk, and no closets.
Get another house in Florida, also cat friendly, for when there’s not enough sun here.
Import exotic, edible birds to fly around my house and amuse me.

Five bad habits

I have no bad habits. Duh!

Five things you like doing

Scratching furniture
Waking up sleeping humans
Walking on the computer keyboard

Five things you would never buy or wear again

Advantage — totally doesn’t work!
A hot pink collar — makes me look fat necked
Crunchy cat treats with a supposedly chewy center. Ick!
Kitten chow — because no more kittens are allowed into my house
Deer antlers

Five favorite toys

Styrofoam bits
Kitchen table
That shabby black catnip mouse
Round pieces of cat chow
Typing Slave’s last nerve

Five people I’m tagging

Any cyber savvy cat who wants to respond. Do it here or on your own blog, but let us know so we can come see!




Meankitty’s 2006 Resolutions

1) Gain 2 lbs so when I leap on people I have more heft.
2) Scratch the slaves at least 1/3 of the time when they sneeze. Man, I hate slave sneezes! Hurts my ears.
3) Expand the clawed areas on the kitchen table and junk armoire by half again.
4) In the space of 12 hours, barf on the cream carpet, scratch a slave, knock over a full glass of water, wake the baby (this will have to be in the latter half of the year), wake one of the other slaves, tear a hole in the screen, attack a stray cat (even if it’s through the glass), walk on a computer keyboard, leave a dangleberry on the kitchen counter, climb the clothes in one of the closets, and put all the dry food into the catwater.
5) Perfect my “feed me, you stupid slave” mesmerizing stare so that it works seventy five percent of the time.
6) Get Big D locked outside again, this time long enough to get RID of the fleas.
7) Incite the Typing Slave into cursing in front of Pink Thing at least once a week.
8) Claw holes in at least 1/3 of the comic book boxes stacked neatly upstairs. So far I’ve only done 2 of them, and there are hundreds. Claws, begin!
9) Make the Typing Slave update my website more often. Dang, you’d think a high risk pregnancy was challenging or something.
10) Intice more people to comment on my blog by my insightful commentary and lively revelations. Threats, too.


So, cats of the world — what are your resolutions for 2006?


When Is A Mouse Not A Mouse?

So I am getting some of my rare laptime from the Typing Slave, which I want in increasing proportion to the fact she’s not in the mood these days, and something is squiggling against my belly. Poking and wiggling and keeping me from a comfy snooze. I raise myself up to see a MOUSE sneaking around beneath the skin of the Typing Slave’s large, round belly!

Naturally I attack.

Did I deserve to be flung across the room for attempting to denude the household of cheese-eating pests (besides Big D)? I think not.

Holiday Tree Update

The slaves finally put the tree up. I climbed into the tree within 2 minutes of Food Slave setting it up — the slaves are cheezy and use an artificial tree — and then everyone who isn’t a cat hung what Typing Slave called “cat and kid safe” ornaments. Lots of jingle bells on pipe cleaners, stuffed toys, plastic balls and starched snowflakes. Oh my meow, that is one ugly tree! Even I can tell.

A day later, and Big D and I pretty much got the bottom quarter cleared. I’m going up the tree and clearing the midsection the next time the slaves vacate the premises.


Ok, so the Advantage Flea Stuff didn’t work for the 4 weeks prescribed. I could have told Typing Slave the little buggers were still a-buggin, but she didn’t realize we cats were still infested, a mere 3 weeks after the initial application, until the evil pests nearly ate Pink Thing alive while leaving TS and Food Slave completely alone. Big D is rife with fleas; in fact one might surmise the bugs never vacated his plush, hairy body.

Typing Slave is all flustered about the situation. Did she apply the Advantage wrong? Should she try a different brand? Will mothballs and fleabombs and other household treatments work? Do we have superpowered alien fleas that laugh at chemical warfare? (This would be supported by my hypothesis Big D was bodysnatched that night he escaped.) What is going on and why can’t Typing Slave fix this situation? It’s what we (don’t) pay her for.

In fact I’d go so far as to say it makes me CROSS. So today when Typing Slave attempted to reapply the Advantage, I scratched her, escaped, and then writhed tauntingly on the floor just out of her reach. It’s not as easy for her to chase me down with her big fat belly. It was a fun game, almost worth being caught and treated. I acted like the Advantage between my shoulder blades was burning torture, dashing erratically about the house and giving Typing Slave the wild eye, to make her feel guiltier.

Big D sat like a lump during his turn and then ate up his treats like the lurch he is. Or the alien. The fleabitten alien.


Winter Thrills and Pills

Wintertime Thrills

1) Lounging on the floor vent when the heat is blowing
2) Wreaking havoc on Christmas trees
3) Sniffling all the excess food laying about, some of which is even cat-tastic
4) Birds in the snow, frozen and helpless (like it snows HERE but it does somewhere)
5) No leaves on the trees, so birds lurking there are easier to see
6) Fattened up slaves with warm laps
7) Ribbons, wrapping paper and empty boxes and bags
8) Watching slaves fall on the icy steps outside
9) No heartworm-toting mosquitoes
10) Tuna (a thrill at any time so why should winter be different?)

Wintertime Pills

1) Hectic slaves
2) Who go on vacation and leave you with a catsitter
3) Worse, who stuff you in a cat carrier and drag you WITH them to some strange house
4) Where the other cats are nicekitties – gag me!
5) And you aren’t even allowed out of the back room to beat them up.


So what do you like/hate about wintertime?


Advice Needed

Typing Slave,

As the holidays have arrived, so has my kittens’ fascination with our Christmas tree. Is there anything you can recommend to stop / deter them from wreaking all havoc on it?

Any advice is appreciated.



Dear Fred-slave,

No. I have never been successful keeping the cats out of the tree. Meankitty insists I point out, “Tuna’s for eatin’ and trees are for wreckin’.” Anyway, let’s put it to the blog visitors.

TS, with Meankitty’s permission.

No Thanks!!

It’s 4 days after the human holiday of Thanksgiving, at least in this country, and I have yet to taste the smallest morsel of turkey. I mean, come on! My ancestresses came over on that leaky tub of a Santa Maria, and I want my desserts. Not just desserts, but entrees, too.

All kinds of lists about what humans are thankful for posted on other blogs, I noticed, when I read over Typing Slave’s shoulder. Forget that sweetie crap. Here’s what I’m NOT thankful for:

1) I haven’t gotten any turkey yet, and I know it’s in the fridge. I smell it. Dang! I want some turkey!
2) Foodslave won’t let me in the bathroom at 6:17 a.m. when he’s taking a shower, and no thanks to him I have to scratch on the door and howl, waking Typing Slave and usually Pink Thing, too, who are then grouchy with me.
3) The slaves got Pink Thing a horrible singing toy snowman, and it…won’t…shut…up. Must sabotage in the wee hours.
4) It’s cold outside these days. Normally this isn’t a problem, since I’m a housecat, but it means my favorite snoozy spot upstairs is cold as well. The slaves need to run the heater up there full time. Like I care about the cost.
5) The slaves are debating the wisdom of putting up a holiday tree this year, considering what I always do to it. Why is there even a question?? I love that jungle gym with sparly lights and toys! They should leave it downstairs year round. Only make the toys edible.
6) Not only did I not get any turkey, but last week the slaves vacated my premises for several days and there was ONLY dry food, no snackies or tuna.
7) Big D keeps escaping to the alien outside and we all know what that leads to — fleas. Can’t the slaves keep a better watch on the hairy Houdini? It’s not like he’s invisible to the eye.
8) Typing Slave *still* won’t let me sprawl and knead on her stomach, and it’s getting bigger by the day. What’s in there, a watermelon? I don’t like watermelon. Or maybe that’s where all the dang turkey went.
9) Two days ago at 3 a.m. I had an itch I couldn’t reach between my shoulder blades and nobody got out of bed to scratch it. In fact when I demanded their services, they shut me out of the bedroom.
10) I’m not thankful for the fact this list could keep going and going and going until it got to, like, 137 or something. How mistreated am I, that there are so many things in my life to be unthankful for?

Now it’s your turn. What are you unthankful for?