Scary Writing Samples: Headhopping POV

A Writing Workshop Writing Sample (Right!?!)

(NOTE: Scary Writing Samples is a series of excerpts created by me and others for use in writing workshops. I needed excerpts that weren’t by “real people” so participants would feel free to say what they really thought. If you wish to use any of these as a sample in a writing workshop or other creative endeavor, please contact me first! This one in particular is for edumacation about POV headhopping and is, in addition, a loving parody of a certain very successful romance author.)

“I quit.” Detective Eva Texas slammed her badge down on the Chief Bibble’s desk. She wouldn’t be accused of sleeping with the murder suspect in her recent investigation lying down. Doarke might be tall, dark, and dangerous, but she wasn’t screwing him.

Just screwing with him. Until he admitted he’d killed that woman. He’d learn not to mess with Texas.

“You can’t quit,” Bibble growled.

“Can too.”

She couldn’t stand men who thought they could order her around. Reminded her of her father, or what she could remember of her father. Cold chills raced up her spine. She glared. Asserted herself. It was a dog eat dog world, and she wasn’t about to be a Scooby Snack.

Bibble sighed and ran his hands through his hair at Texas’s stubbornness. She was the best detective on staff and they couldn’t afford to lose her, but the obvious attraction the buxom, athletic woman had displayed at the charity fundraiser when she confronted Doarke about his whereabouts the night of the murder hadn’t gone unnoticed. Word on the street was they’d been spotted kissing in the cloak room. Put a new spin on questioning the suspect.

He couldn’t have his best detective thinking through her pants. But he couldn’t have her quit just because Doarke got under her skin in a way he’d never seen a man do before, either.

Just then a knock sounded on the door. His secretary, Peahen, was the only one brave enough to interrupt him when he was having yet another quitting match with Texas.

“Chief?” her voice called out. “There’s someone here to see you.”

Peahen peeked in the room; Eva and Bibble’s heads whipped around to shoot lasers at her with their angry eyes. She tried not to wince. She hadn’t wanted to interrupt the tense meeting, but the man in the waiting area insisted. He looked like the type who was used to getting what he wanted. She was accustomed to demanding men in this office. Only Eva ever showed her a modicum of respect, woman to woman.

She cleared her throat nervously. “He says his name is Doarke.”

What was he doing here? Turning himself in? She hadn’t expected to see him again so soon, at least not on this side of a surveillance camera. Eva felt a blast of annoyance and something darker, lustier, punched her in the gut when her suspect strolled through the door, every dark hair in perfect array. His suit must run upwards of two thousand dollars, and he wore it like it was dungarees. Cheap. Almost beneath him.

Like he made her feel. Damn the man! He was ladykiller if she ever saw one.

“Am I interrupting?” Doarke raised his eyebrow sarcastically; he knew he was. He liked to catch people off-guard. It helped get past the bullshit quicker. His gaze scanned the room and then landed on Texas’s tits like a homing beacon.

Her chest rose and fell impressively. Everything was bigger on Texas. But she was pissed. Not excited. Not glad to see somebody with as dark a past as he had. Hell, she thought he killed that hooker. Why couldn’t he forget her?

Maybe because she kept showing up everywhere he went. And he was going to put a stop to it. Here. Now.


© 2005 Jody Wallace