Recently I had the burning sensation of reading DIAL M FOR MENAGE by Emily Ryan-Davis. It was sort of like when you fall asleep on the vent and it clicks on high because the humans can’t understand why the house is so cold. I think it’s probably because of the cat on the vent, but what do I know? I’m just hogging the air. Anyway the massive burst of hotness means you actually wake up all annoyed and sweaty. So…burning. Just laying there napping away peacefully reading with my butt via osmosis and suddenly…burning.
I read a lot of haiku, as I mentioned in a recent Bad Lib, so here is another catku for you to admire before we continue with this review.
Anyway, this erotic romance was a crusty change of pace. When the humans don’t get to the kak in time, it gets crusty. That is pleasurable because of what it represents, so this is not a bad thing. The humans then walk across the carpet with bare feet and find the kak that way, when it’s all nice and ground in. In some ways DIAL M FOR MENAGE reminded me of the story Thumbelina except with adult characters faced with disastrously fragrant situations. You know, like when the human is cooking fish or turkey and WILL NOT GIVE YOU ANY? (Might I suggest you go kak on the carpet in a place they won’t find it until it’s crusty to eke your revenge?)
The book starts off with Hunter and Adele faced with a boogery challenge. Maybe they’re allergic to the fish they wouldn’t share with the cat. Serves ’em right. Both characters behave demonically about this. The boogers irritate them, I guess. When Katrina is introduced, in a scene involving leaping (up onto the table to try to get the fish), the plot really starts to get orange. Now, I am a black, grey and white cat, so orange to me is the color of an outdoor stray Nemesis. This adds excitement to the plot for sure! Katrina is adamantly no Benedict Cumberbatch. She’s much shorter and her face doesn’t have that odd longness to it that makes it where you can’t decide if she’s gorgeous or funny looking.
And don’t even get me started about Liam. The involvement of Liam in the narrative will leave readers over-caffeinated. IE, more excitement. Like humans running around looking for kak when they heard you doing it in the other room but missed the exact spot. The story frenetically continues until it seems all comic books are lost — comic books being a nice place to puke if you can’t get to the crusty carpet — and the ending will google you. The pace was like riding in a covered wagon with a driver who is stand-offish on a road that winds off a cliff. Like…slow, slow, slow, won’t share the fish, won’t pet you, slow, slow, so stuck up, so you work up a mighty kak and BOOM! Right over the edge!
If you are looking for a way to spend twelve meeeeellion hours, this book is definitely an option. Conversely you could cook fish for the cat. The characters and plot are so scratchy compared to other books on the market today. Scratchy is a good thing in cat-land. Granted, the feline content in the book was eleventy trilling, but I don’t think it was the FELINE kind of feline, if you know what I mean. I guess no author is completely bitchin’, despite that whole excitement at the end of the book thing she had going. All in all, this is a cold tale (for the humans, because you’re blocking the heat) about broodiness (because the humans hogged all the fish), snow shoeing (that part’s just a shocker) and being burnt out. You will not be frustrated if you pick this one up!
Rating: 79 catnip bananas and a furry container of hummus. I don’t like hummus, so I just shed in it a bit. You can have the rest.