Author Seleste deLaney confessed to the human the other day that there were dogs, Zeus and Pandora, in her house, kind of like a termite infestation that Orkin just can’t spray out of existence. While I do fear for the stability of the author’s home, I decided to go ahead and get the dogs’ POVs on what life is like in the deLaney household, because I’m awesomely open-minded like that.
1) So, your human writes books. Are they (a) full of praise and hyped up lies about dogs; or (b) do they contain interesting stories?
If A, interview is over. If B, you may continue.
Zeus: A! A! Lots of A! B is only for bacon!
Pandora: *sigh* Zeus, darling, I think I saw a squirrel in the yard.
Zeus: Squirrel? *runs off*
Pandora: Sorry, he’s a little…special. B, because my human’s books are as good as bacon.
2) If writers are supposed to be so smart, why does your writer have a dog instead of a cat when it’s common knowledge cats are better? Does that mean your writer isn’t very smart?
Pandora: *growls* Watch it, furball. I could eat you. My human would have a menagerie if she could. But as cats are known to instigate, she is unwilling to allow them into our home.
3) So why did your human end up a writer instead of a animal sanctuary owner or something like that?
She learned early that if she started collecting animals, she would never stop, so she had to limit herself. As far as writing, she is as lazy as a cat during the day and comes alive at night. Thus she prefers to set her own schedule. We’re trying to train her properly, but so far it isn’t working.
4) Does being a writer mean your human is home all day and easy to access? What is her day like?
She is home much of the day, but easy to access is a different story. Since she keeps cat-hours at night, she is often tired in the morning. But she uses her daytime for non-writing work like hanging with the birds on that twitter thing and showing off her face on the computer book. Then, the children come home and she turns into the human we all know and love. Only once they are in bed does she settle in to write. And it is best if we leave her alone then as she gets cranky if disturbed. So we sleep on her feet so she remembers to let us out.
5) As a dog, you’re probably not devious or fascinating, but on the off-chance you do have feline traits, what are your techniques for distracting your human during crucial writing moments?’
As I am a dog, I am more polite than most cats. However, if I need my human, I jump on her. I can assure you that a properly timed 50-lb jump is more effective than anything one of your stature can accomplish.
6) What indignities and neglect have you suffered because of your human’s writing career (besides the absence of a cat to properly rule the house)?
She sometimes forgets we are outside. I don’t mind so much, but Zeus prefers his comforts. Also water. Other than breakfast and dinner, she almost has to trip over the bowl before she notices if the bowl is empty…fortunately the toilets are clean enough.
7) We’ve established your human doesn’t write stories full of hyped up lies about dogs. Tell me about the felines in your human’s fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play?
My human writes more cats into her books than dogs simply because cats are easier to forget. If she needs to kill off an animal, she puts in a dog because people care more when the dog dies. The two main cats in her books are Nikita (a Russian Blue in the Blood Kissed series) and Cyclops (a partially clockwork and slightly crazy mountain lion in the Badlands series). Both play somewhat integral roles in the books, but I still prefer Worf in Gaming for Keeps. He was sexy—but don’t mention that to Zeus.
8) When your human gets together with other writers, do they spend half their time sniffing each other’s butts like dogs do?
As opposed to licking themselves like cats? As I haven’t ever been with her for such an event, I can only assume she behaves as a human should—providing love and affection for all the animals around her. Including ungrateful cats.
9) Tell us, from a dog’s POV, about your humans most recent publication.
My human’s latest book came out February 3 and is the sequel to Gaming for Keeps. I am sad to say that Worf doesn’t play a role of any sort in Conning for Keeps, but I’m sure it’s still a perfectly wonderful book as far as humans are concerned. More spies. This time one is a former con artist who can become another person under hypnosis—which is good because Marissa has more of a thing for Trevor than I do for Worf. *licks self* Oh…where was I? Yes, there are mobsters and a cursed painting and a couple nice mounting scenes.
10) What is your human’s next project (bonus points if you answer: getting a cat)?
What comes after depends on something with her schedule. It didn’t rhyme with bacon or food, so I’m not really sure…credits? Can you eat those? Anyway. It will either be Kiss of Life (the next Blood Kissed novel—and yes, Nikita is in it) or she will be branching into her other pen name, Julie Particka, with her first new adult romance about a girl whose fiancé dumps her for her best friend…and she falls for the friend’s older brother. It’s like a love quadrilateral—which is the perfect shape for making a nest of my blankets to sleep on.
Zeus: *runs in* I cornered the squirrel.
Pandora: Where, dear?
Zeus: In a tree. If we hurry, we can catch it. *runs off*
Pandora: *sighs* Yes, dear. Did I mention how incredibly special he is?