Meankitty Review: Stellarnet Prince by JL Hilton

Stellernet Prince by JL Hiltion (www.jlhilton.com)

J’ni, a universe-famous blogger human in a futuristic society, involved herself with two alien two-legger males and their battle to save their planet from giant crickets in Stellarnet Rebel. This battle (SPOILER!) succeeds after a fashion, paving the way for Stellarnet Prince, in which the trio’s continuing adventures are depicted. The tale involves political conspiracies, violence, good, evil, interstellar travel, the price of fame, and other stuff human-types worry about.

First, let me make one thing clear. The alien planet in this book is Hell. HELL. It’s some perverse water world (no relation to Kevin Costner) where it rains all the time and the two-leggers who evolved there have webbed hands and splash around like overgrown amphibians in the millions of squishy swamps, rivers and puddles. There were so many water references in the first couple chapters, I almost couldn’t keep reading! It was giving me kitty-hives. It was worked into the worldbuilding, the dialogue, the culture…everything.

These two-leggers actually WORSHIP the “Great Ocean” and the “Great Rain” and other horrifyingly aqueous deities, when clearly all should worship cats. Water is for staring at. Drinking sometimes. Keeping catnip, grass and trees alive and housing tasty fish. Putting in glasses so the glasses can be knocked off countertops. Not for worship. It’s almost like this author was trying to say water is a vital substance or something. Haha–she probably thinks we’re MADE of water.

Hm. Dogs and humans, maybe. Cats are made of awesome.

Once I got past the obvious blasphemy, I confess I still didn’t find a whole lot to like about this story. First off, there were no cats. Not even one. I don’t even think anyone’s beauty and grace was described as “catlike” in an ode to our perfection. Though I enjoyed seeing the only DOG mentioned in the story almost get zapped by accident, the zapping didn’t happen. It was like a cruel tease of a great scene.

I don’t think this author has great hope for humanity, when her vision of the future contains only one crappy little dog, restricted food sources, and a HELL planet of water and rain. Readers who enjoy human stuff like political intrigue, aliens, visions of an internet-induced society, culture wars and bad guys who get eaten by alien piranhas might want to read this book. The rest of us will be over here where it’s dry, warm and sunny.

Rating: 0 Cats + 1 Dog + many frog mentions + way too much water = -1

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