Meankitty Wants to Know: Kitties of Bronwyn Green

Does “The Kitties of Bronwyn Green” sound like an awesome kid’s book or what? It’s actually not, it’s just a statement of fact. Author Bronwyn Green writes grown-up romances, generally with paranormal elements, and is owned by a number of author-savvy kitties: Merlin (b&w), Angus (orange), Rowan (black), Herne (white and tabby stripes), and Morrighan and Willow (brown tabbies). With a glorious herd like that directing her every move, how can Bronwyn go wrong?

1) So, your human writes books. Does this mean he or she is home all day and easy to access? Elaborate if necessary.

Merlin: She’s home most of the day, but she has to drive for three and a half hours to drop off and pick up our tailless siblings. We wish she’d get off her butt already and develop the teleporter she keeps saying she wants.d

Willow: But she’s bad at math.

Morrighan: And science.

Merlin: So true.

2) How large a proportion of her income do you have her devote to your gourmet tuna, cat beds, toys and other basic necessities?

Merlin: Well, we are all rescue kitties so there are vet trips (which we’d be happy if she’d skip) but she does grow her own catnip for us, but we also demand mouse-mouses, milkrings, pop-up cubes, balls and cat food.

Angus: What Merlin is trying to say is, not nearly of her income goes to our entertainment, which is why we’re forced to amuse ourselves with her computer and headset cords, her knitting, cross stitch and sewing projects and pretty much anything else we can get our paws on.

3) What are your techniques for distracting your human during crucial writing moments, just because it’s fun?

Willow: I love to sit on the back of the couch and style her hair. It requires careful-ish combing with my claws and lots of licking. Frankly, she’s never looked better. Also, I like sitting on her shoulder parrot-style forcing her to carefully balance the laptop. . .and me.

Herne: I prefer to lay across her arms while she types. Sometimes I like to help push keys or the mouse buttons. I particularly enjoy the noises she makes when the words disappear. However, it’s important that our plight be known, so I won’t delete this document.

Merlin: My method is more straightforward. I just headbutt her hands until she relents and pets me.

Rowan: I’m content to rest my head on her leg for occasional pets.

Morrighan: Suckup. (to Rowan) I like to sit halfway across the room and meow pathetically until she comes to pet me. And Angus prefers to sit on the arm of the couch and stare disdainfully at her.

Angus: It’s true. I do.

4) What indignities and neglect have you suffered because of your human’s writing career?

Rowan: Well, she’s fond of putting pictures of us on her blog, but we like to think of that as allowing more people to worship us. . .which is as it should be.

Willow: She doesn’t let me chew on her headphone cord. That’s hardly fair.

5) Tell me about the felines in your human’s fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play?

Herne: (long-suffering sigh) Mostly, she writes paranormal stuff – werebears, witches, faeries, a few cops here and there, but what’s wrong with a good old fashioned cat story? Seems like she could do some of those.

Angus: To be fair, she did write that one about the werecats – Cuffed and Dangerous. A werepanther and a werebobcat. I think there might have been a bit about a human woman in there as well, but that’s inconsequential.

Rowan: She should do more of those. Cats. . .not humans.

6) On the off-chance your human has yet to incorporate cats into a story, what are your plans for making sure she rectifies this egregious error and demonstration of poor writing skills?

Herne: I’ll lay on her arms until she’s forced to write to our specifications.

Willow: If that fails, I’ll throw myself down in front of her for bellyrubs. Sooner or later she’ll fall and hit her head. And when she comes to, she’ll want nothing more than to write cats stories.

7) What works of fiction or cinema involving cats does your human enjoy sharing with you?

Angus: She hardly reads to the tailless ones at all anymore, but when she does, we very much enjoy it when she reads The Twelve Cats of Christmas by Kandy Radzinski, Pandora by William Mayne and Catkin by Antonia Barber. Have you seen those illustrations? Catkin looks just like me!

Morrighan: We like it when she looks at http://www.icanhascheezburger.com/ and at http://www.stumblingoverchaos.com/. We like keeping track of what other kitties are doing – especially our friends Mayhem and Chaos at the stumbling blog.

8) If you could make one change to your human, what would it be?

Herne: More petting. Less typing.

9) If you could tell your human one thing, what would it be?

All the kitties: MORE CATNIP!!!

Willow: Also, she should leave the Christmas tree up all year long for my lounging pleasure.

10) From the cat’s eye view: what things does your writer-human do that would mortify it if known? What does your human do that most annoys you?

Rowan: She’d be embarrassed if people knew her family assumes that the smoke alarm means supper is done. Seriously. . .she can’t cook.

Merlin: I think I can speak for all of us when I say, we’re most put out when she gets off the couch and moves us so she can stand up.

Herne: And when she doesn’t let us eat off her plate. I find that highly annoying.

Willow: She moves me off her laptop keyboard and hogs all the warmth for herself.

11) Did your human name any characters after you? Are you pleased? If not, why?

Rowan: The witch in her upcoming book, Sensuous Summoning, is named after me!

Willow: She named a Priestess of Avalon after me in Mist and Stone! And of course we’re pleased. We’d prefer that she name more characters after us.

12) And did your human name you for any fictional characters? Hate it or love it?

Merlin: Love it, of course. I’m named after the greatest wizard of all time from Arthurian Legend. My wonderful older sister, who’s passed on now, was named after the priestess, Nimue. We miss her so much.

Herne: I’m named after the Celtic god of the hunt.

Morrighan: I’m named after the Celtic goddess of war and sovereignty. After all, I am a queen.

Angus: I’m named after Angus McLeod of the Clan McLeod because my human’s husband thought that was a good idea. I enjoy it when he talks to me with a Scottish accent. He’s terrible at it, but I have to give him points for trying.

13) How do you give your writer new ideas?

Angus: I like to chatter in her ear. My preferred method is sticking my cold nose in her ear while she’s sleeping. I don’t understand why she freaks out about it.

Willow: I’d rather lay on top of her head and purr and hope that she’ll absorb my brilliance by osmosis.

14) To the writer: Do you have anything to add to these truths the cats have revealed about you?

I did bring them new catnip toys the other day. That counts for something, right? And they’re right. . . I can’t cook. . .or do math. But I like to think that despite my shortcomings, they have a pretty good home here, and between their four humans, there’s always a warm lap to curl up on.
***

Sincerely,
Meankitty & Typing Slave
http://www.meankitty.com/ * http://www.jodywallace.com/

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