Meankitty Wants to Know: Keith Melton

Author Keith Melton is our first male human to interview for my series. He writes scary vampire Mafia books for Samhain.


1) Why did you decide to be a writer instead of a cat sanctuary owner?

Actually a close friend of mine had a dream of opening a tiger sanctuary in Oregon, which practically makes me a theoretical cat sanctuary co-owner by default.

2) Why do you think cats are better than dogs? (Since you call yourself a writer, I trust your answer will be eloquent.)

Less drool.

3) Tell me about the felines in your fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play in your narratives?

It shames me to admit my book BLOOD VICE focuses on vampires and the Boston mafia while largely failing to address the near demigod status of cats. If it helps, my vampires are much like cats in that they sleep all day and stay up all night wreaking havoc on humanity.

4) On the off-chance you have yet to incorporate cats into your fiction, when do you plan to rectify this egregious error and demonstration of poor writing skills?

Alas, my next Urban Fantasy book, RUN, WOLF, does not feature cats. Werewolves are allergic and don’t like to share the spotlight.

To make up for this personal bit of epic fail, I write haiku to my cat and recite to her until she sleeps or wanders off, whichever comes first.

5) What are your favorite works of fiction involving cats or favorite fictional cats?

Skippy Jon Jones is a favorite. Chester from the Bunnicula series is another favorite cat of mine. Chester was the only one who fully realized the dark threat from a vampire bunny.

6) Do you have any amazing, or at least humorous, real life cat stories you’d like to share?

One of my cats loved to sleep in the bathroom sink. This caused much commotion late at night if one made the mistake of using the facilities without turning on the lights.

7) Multiple choice 1. What is your preference and why?
A) Long hair
B) Short hair
C) No hair
— Note: I am not, of course, referring to the hirsute qualities of your most recent hero or heroine.

Short hair. Preferably a color that matches the couch.

8) Multiple choice 2. You have a writing deadline but the cat who rules you wants some attention. Desperately. Do you:

A) Lock the cat in another room and keep working?
B) Pet the cat for a couple minutes and then toss her cruelly aside?
C) Pet the cat as long as she wants because you know it will inspire and refresh you? — Note: If you answered anything besides C, we suggest you consider the fact you could have written a much better book if you had been inspired and refreshed instead of mean to the cat.

Answer is: D) None of the above. I let my cat write the rest of the story while I buy useless things on eBay. My editor has yet to suspect …but my wife is starting to wonder about the shipping cartons piling up in the garage.

User submitted:

How goes the discussion about discipline in your house?

If I fail my cat, I am subjected to Shunning as discipline until I redeem myself. Oh, you mean discipline the cat? Yeah, as if that ever happens.

What one thing would you change about your pet/human?

If the exalted cat would do something about the tuna breath at 2 in the morning, that would be much appreciated. And that creepy business of suddenly staring at invisible things, eyes wide, fur on end—yeah, that can stop any time, too.

Do you believe pets and humans come to resemble each other over time?

I certainly hope not. My cat has strange rust-colored blotches on her face.

Can you type with a cat stretched out across your wrists? If not, why not? Otherwise, how’s the carpal tunnel?

Yes, I have mastered this skill. Now I’m like a typing ninja…only with a cat on his wrists.

When you’re in the zone with your writing, what does your cat have to do to get your attention?

Bring me cold beer. Alas, it never seems to happen.


Meankitty *