I hope this won’t take too long. A patch of sun is shining on a soft spot, waiting for me to bask in it.
Mostly all day, but sometimes she leaves me alone with the dog. The Loud Dog. When she comes home, she almost always carries in food and books. She puts the dog out and gives me treats. No wonder I love her.
2) How large a proportion of her income do you have her devote to your gourmet tuna, cat beds, toys and other basic necessities?
What income? Do you expect me to do math? My tongue is for grooming, not counting.
3) What are your techniques for distracting your human during crucial writing moments, just because it’s fun?
I jump on her lap, purr, knead and look cute. Who can resist me? I also walk in front of the monitor, leaving my hairs on it so she can remember me while she writes.
4) What indignities and neglect have you suffered because of your human’s writing career?
Sometimes she takes me off her lap and sets me on the floor so she can write. She’s lucky I have a forgiving nature. I’m sure Mean Kitty makes her Typing Slave pay for that indignity.
5) Tell me about the felines in your human’s fiction. How often do they appear and how big a part do they play?
Only one feline matters in this house. Me. But she did write CATTITUDE, based on me, in which a woman is turned into a cat and vice-versa. Ha! Poor cat. Lucky woman.
She has a cat in her current book, but it doesn’t have a large role. Yet. I’m working on it.
6) On the off-chance your human has yet to incorporate cats into a story, what are your plans for making sure she rectifies this egregious error and demonstration of poor writing skills?
It doesn’t matter that she wrote a book about a cat. I’m the only cat in this house that matters.
7) What works of fiction or cinema involving cats does your human enjoy sharing with you?
She has a fixation on the annoying cat wearing the tall, red-and-white striped hat – and a red bowtie! No sense of style. Dogs wear things around their necks, not cats.
8) If you could make one change to your human, what would it be?
She would have a bigger lap so I never fall off it.
Question for pets: Are you happy with your human?
Yes. She thinks she chose me, but I really chose her. I’m the cat who purred all over her at the humane society. I’m the one who put my scent on her. When she left, I knew she’d come back for me. How could she resist? Some things are meant to be.
If you could tell your human one thing, what would it be?
Give me more treats. Tuna, salmon and shrimp.
What things do your human do that would mortify it if known?
Sometimes she walks the dog instead of petting me.
What does your human do that most annoys?
See above answer. I’m first.