Meankitty Wants to Know: Jennifer Yates’ Cats

As promised yesterday, here is the other and more IMPORTANT (aka feline) half of the Jennifer Yates interview. The participants are Mattie and Dipstick. The other cats who run Jennifer’s life declined the invitation…something about being private felines.

1) So, your human is an obsessive reader of books. Does this mean he or she is home all day and easy to access? Elaborate if necessary.

Mattie: She is pretty easy to access although we sometimes prefer the others in the household because we know they won’t ignore us if we whine…err…meow loud enough. Not that the human with the books does that, but she doesn’t seem to like some of our interesting quirks. She actually pushed me off her shoulders the other day…and I couldn’t help it if I “accidentally” knocked over a stack of books on her floor.

Dipstick: Food…did someone say food?

Mattie: No, Dipstick, no one said food. Forgive him…he has a one-track mind and it’s not the track you would expect.

2) How large a proportion of her income does she devote to books instead of your gourmet tuna, cat beds, toys and other basic necessities?

Dipstick: Gourmet tuna?!?!?! They have GOURMET tuna????

Mattie: Snap out of it, Dipstick! We get fed pretty well. To answer the question, we have no clue. As long as we have food and love we are happy. And as long as she is happy, we are happy. Reading, if that is what it is called, seems to make her happy.

Dipstick: Although, I could be happier with gourmet tuna.

Mattie: *smacks Dipstick with paw*

3) What are your techniques for distracting your human during crucial reading moments, just because it’s fun?

Mattie: *evil grin appears* Well…don’t tell her, but I have been known to “accidentally” jump in her lap or on top of her book. And I did mention knocking over a large stack of books the other day. I have also laid down on her laptop a couple of times…while she was using it. It got her attention.

Dipstick: See, I am much nicer. I wouldn’t do any of those things.

Mattie: Yeah, because you think they’ll stop feeding us.

Dipstick: Well, there is that…

4) What indignities and neglect have you suffered because of your human’s reading habits?

Mattie: I don’t think we have been neglected at all. If she doesn’t feed us or love on us, someone will.

Dipstick: Although, I wouldn’t complain if she wanted to give us extra food.

5) What works of cinema involving cats does your human enjoy sharing with you?

Mattie: She watched this one scary movie where the cats and dogs were fighting. The brilliant cats were out to take over the world, but those vicious dogs were out to stop them.

Dipstick: That one was scary! Oh, and so was that other one she watched…Beethoven or something. Gave me nightmares for weeks.

6) If you could make one change to your human, what would it be?

Mattie: I don’t think I’d change her. I am pretty happy with her as she is…oh wait, I know, I’d make her more receptive when I jump on her back and onto her shoulders. The view from up there is wonderful, but she doesn’t seem to like it. Of course, I guess I shouldn’t bite her ears when I am up there.

Dipstick: I’d have her get us some of that gourmet tuna! But other than that, she’s a pretty cool human.

User submitted:

Question for pets: Are you happy with your human?

Mattie: I love my humans so I am very happy with them.

Dipstick: Same here. They are awesome.

If you could tell your human one thing, what would it be?

Mattie: I love you!

Dipstick: Buy gourmet tuna! *Mattie smacks him* Oh, alright, I’d tell them that I love them too and thank you for everything they do.

What things does your human do that would mortify it if known?

Mattie: Hmm…not much, but she has been known to stay in her pajamas all day. Although why humans feel the need for clothing at all is beyond me. Guess it is because you lack the fur that we have. But if she ever even thinks about putting clothes on me, she’ll have to watch more than her back around me.

Dipstick: I kind of like her clothes…especially the pajamas with the cats…makes it easier to grab onto her when I try to climb up. But I agree, I wouldn’t be caught wearing them!

Mattie: I guess you have a point about the climbing thing…hmm. I’ll have to experiment and see which outfit allows for a better grip the next time I am in a climbing mood.

What does your human do that most annoys?

Mattie: That iPod thingie she listens to annoys me. Because when she wears the headphones, she can’t hear us. Also, she doesn’t let me ride on her shoulders.

Dipstick: Doesn’t buy gourmet tuna.

Mattie: *sighs* I give up!